“Hairy The Plucked Chicken” (serio-comic) 2 minutes


Filed Under 2 Minute Monologues, Male Monologues - Serio/Comic, Monologues |

Character: MR. KRAUS
Description:  Mr. Kraus talks about his old friend, Hairy the chicken.
Gender: Male
Age:  66  

I came to this country at six years old from Germany.  I was sent to my Aunt and Uncle’s farm to live down south in Kentucky.  My father was in the war for the Germans and my mother was also in the war, she was a nurse.  I am not proud of this but it isn’t why I am speaking to you. 

When I was six, it was my job on the farm to take care of the chicken and to keep things “clean” around the farm.  I used to go into the woods and explore.  One day I came upon a jeep that turned out to have been parachuted from the sky during World War 2.  I ran back and told my Aunt and Uncle about it. 

The jeep worked and we decided to use it to pump water amongst other things.  We were able to get it started by using gas shells called ethanol.  Needless to say we had a machine that helped out with the farm work.

As time went by my chicken who I named Hairy, became my best friend.  Months gone by and he got really big.  So big that at Christmas time, my Aunt was ready to kill, cook and eat him.  I cried and cried and cried and we made a compromise.  She normally would have cut Hairy’s head right off but that was a gruesome death for my best friend.  My aunt decided to suffocate Hairy with the ethanol gas shells we used to start the war jeep.  And then cook him so he had a painless death.  I reluctantly and sadly agreed.

After I said my goodbye my Aunt took Hairy and went to work.  She killed him by suffocation and then plucked him entirely.  She put him in the cooler, it was a refrigeration system we had at that time, until morning when she was set to put him in the oven. 

The very next morning, my aunt opened the cooler door only to find Hairy alive and screaming wildly, running around the refrigerator.  You can imagine the shock and fright I had when I heard and then witnessed the commotion.  Terrifying experience for a boy.

My Aunt and Uncle did not know what to do, so they called the town hospital and they told her it would be murder at this point to kill the chicken.  So they rehabilitated the chicken.  Not too long after that, the town priest came over and said some prayers over Hairy and told my Aunt and Uncle that this was shameful.  That the chicken must live under their care for the remainder of its life. 

Hairy never grew back his hair but I still kept the name Hairy because that was his name after all.  Poor guy.  Imagine waking up feeling skinned alive?  I never found out what happened to deer old Hairy because I moved yet again when my parents came to America.

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