“Curse Your Boss, Get A Raise” (serio-comic) 2 minutes

Character: LARA
Description: Lara brags about how she cursed out her boss and got a raise in return.
Gender: Female
Age:  31    

I cursed out my boss last week.  I felt like the company hero.  And get this, I got a raise.  How about that?  What happened?  I just got fed up with my boss attitude.  He is such a nasty son of a bitch.  I told him he needed to get laid and maybe that would crack a smile on his face.  What did I say to him?

I went into his office after he humiliated me once again, in front of our staff in the boardroom.  It just seems that every time I give a suggestion for a new product we are considering to develop, he jumps down my throat and embarrases me.  How dare he?  So, I had it and after the meeting was over, I walked into his office and blasted his ass out.

I said, “Listen to me you overgrown, bad breath, cross eyed, no talented, sarcastic, greedy shithead.  I am done working here.  I am fed up with the way you’ve been treating me.  Tired of the insults and your manly bravura.  Just who do you think you are carrying yourself around that way.  Boss?  Boss my ass, I said.  How about learning some manners and some human decency instead of treating people like road maps that you like stepping on!? ” 

He was stunned.  I caught him as he had a donut dangling from his mouth.  Then he spoke calmly. He said, “I knew you had it in you.  The reason why I push you so hard is because you are my best.  You just needed some toughening up is all and after tearing me a new asshole, I think your ready for the raise I’ve been wanting to give you.”

What did I do?  I took the raise and ever since last week, he’s been sweet as pie.  Everyone looks at me in the company as the lion slayer.