“Geeks Have Great Sex” (comedy) 2 minutes

Character: RAY
Description: Ray is dumbfounded by the two sex geeks next door.
Gender: Male
Age:  35  

Every freaking morning I have to hear bang bang bang bang bang.  They are like two animals next door.  And they go on for at least an hour like that.  Where do they find the stregnth?  What boggles me is the fact that they don’t look like the same two people who I hear every single morning.  What I mean by that is that when I run into them outside, they actually look like two geeks.  They actually are the definition of what geeks should look like. 

But when I hear them having sex in the morning, it’s insane.  They sound like porn stars on drugs!  Absolute crazies!  And my wife looks at me and I see the disappointment in her eyes.  Like, why don’t we have sex like that?  We have sex, just not like wild monkeys.  Maybe geeks know something cool people don’t know.  I’d like to think of myself as cool.  I’ve always thought of myself as a person who is with the times.  Maybe I should talk to the geeks about it and get some healthy sexual advice.  But it’s embarrassing.  I mean, what do I say, how do I sound like you?  it’s silly.  I have too much pride in me.  But damn, they sure sound like they are living it up.

It’s driving me crazy a bit.  Last time I had sex with my wife, I felt like I was competing with the geek guy next door.  I was picturing him laughing at me behind his computer in some cubicle, watching me on his computer screen.  This is what I’m thinking about while having sex with my wife because I don’t feel like I’m doing a good job.  Doesn’t that suck?

Screw it!  I’m talking to the geeks and seeing if they can give me some tips on how to be a better lover.  If I could ever sound like they do, man oh man, I can die in peace and my wife will look at me like a God.