“Sabotage My Boss” (comedy) 3 minutes

Character: ALEX
Description:  Alex can’t stand his boss because he is always happy.
Gender: Male
Age:  31    

Everyday I come into work and I want to die.  Seriously.  Not because I hate my job.  Oh no.  It’s deeper than that.  Everyday when I enter these gates of hell, I realize that my boss is a complete idiot.  He really is!  This isn’t me calling my boss an idiot because I don’t like the guy.  I actually get along great with the guy but I stare at him sometimes, right into those beady eyes of his and I search for an ounce, just an ounce, of intelligence.  I’ve given up trying. 

The man is lucky he can read and write.  THAT is a miracle in and of itself.  I work for this guy and I am completely baffled by his lack of common sense.  You know, some people are book smart, some people are street smart and other people have great common sense.  This guy, fails in all three categories.  The only thing going for him is the fact that he is the nicest guy you will ever meet, EVER.  This guy is an absolute teddy bear. 

It actually makes me nuts because I see him dating all kinds of sexy women, women that you and I would kill for.  His salary is in the mid sixes.  He drives a sick ass Porsche, his clothes are all tailored made and HE’S ALWAYS SMILING!

How does a man with his IQ, get where he is?  How does a man get to be the CEO of a major Fortune 500 company?  I draw circles around this guy on my worst day.  If I was hit by a car and put in a coma, I’d still have more active brain waves than this guy.  He walks around like a jolly idiot. 

I wish I wasn’t so smart.  Than I wouldn’t have to stress over guys like my boss.  I should be the one making tons of money, dating tons of women, wearing tons of suits, zipping around in sweet cars and charging all my expenses to my company account.  I should be the guy who walks around all day like some moron, care free, with not one worry on my mind.

HOW DOES HE DO IT?!  HOW?!  He is running this company with not a wrinkle of worry on his brow.  I don’t get it.  I am doomed for all eternity because I will never be that guy.  I’m the guy who gets to come to work early every morning, sweat out of my ass and arm pits, in this claustrophobic cubicle, trapped like some lab rat in a cage for some mad scientist.  Well, he’s my mad scientist damn it!  He’s my leader and I hate him.  I hate the son of a bitch for smiling all the time.  Just once, just once I’d like to see him frown.  Oh boy , would I give my left nut to see that fucker frown.  FROWN, FROWN, FROWN you fat little shit.  Just once so I know he’s human.  It’s all I ask of God.  Maybe then my conscious won’t cause me pain. 

I’ll tell you what I’m going to do.   I’ve been planning this for weeks.  I’m going to get here an hour early one morning and sabotage the bastards entire office.   I’m also going to stick sewing needles in his chair, FACED UP, so when the fatso sits down, OUCH, he will cry out in agony.  And than, I will see misery in that happy face!  Then, life will become livable.  That’s what I’ll do.  I’ll get him.  I’ll stick needles in his ass!  Just wait.