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“Hippo and the Dude” (comedy) 2 minutes
October 17, 2006 by The Monologue Blogger
Filed under 2 Minute Monologues, MB Library, Male Monologues - Comedy
Character: FRANKY
Description: Franky shares a wild tale about what he saw on the Discovery Channel.
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Man, I saw this guy get chomped by a fucking hippo dude. Man, this guy was getting eaten alive man. No, I wasn’t there dog, I saw it on t.v. It was on the Discovery Channel bro. This guy was in this canoe thing right and he’s rowing along, minding his own business, when all of a sudden, a huge fucking hippopotamus comes exploding out of the water!
The dude gets sucked into the jaws of this fucking hippo man and the hippo is like munch, munch, munch on the dude, dude! It was crazy man. No, I didn’t see it happen like that exactly man. It was like a whatchamacallit, a, ahhhh, like when those actor people act like what happened in real life man. What is that shit called??? Oh yeah, a reenactment. Right..renac, a rena, a shit, you know, anyways, fucking hippo was chowing down on this dude and then it spits the guy out of its jaws man.
The dude starts swimming man but the guys only got one fucking arm! He’s swimming and swimming and swimming and swimming and swimming and swimming and swimming and still fucking swimming with his one fucking arm and then the fucking hippo came up on his ass man. The fucking hippo was charging after the dude in the water. I was like holy shit man, swim faster dude!
It was like the guy heard me man, he started swimming faster and faster and faster but the fucking hippo was catching up to his ass. LITERALLY!!! And then it was only like three feet away from the dude and then CRUNCH, CRUNCH CRUNCH. The dude started screaming, more blood shooting out everywhere in the water. It was like this combination of green water with red blood, it was crazy man and the dude is screaming wild man and I started screaming for the dude and then the fucking hippo started thrashing the dude in his jaws man. Going back and forth and graaaa and greeee and graaaa and the dude is like a freaking rag doll man, just flipping around like he was dead but the dude wasn’t dead, he was alive!!!
So the fucking hippo spits the dude out again and the dude starts swimming and swimming and swimming with one fucking arm and now one fucking leg and the fucking hippo starts giving chase again and the dude is swimming sideways and shit but manages to climb on top of a log and then the hippo goes to bite down on the guy but ends up biting into the log and the guy kept swimming and finally he makes it to shore and people help him out of the water and the dude lived….The fucking dude lived man.
Damn….
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Dude man this was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen. I love reading especially when I’m stoned and this one is like watching an action/comedy/drama thriller all in one with a hint of GAAAARRRRNNNNG!! (thanks coach z) thrown in. “My name is Coach Z! Pronounced with and ‘oach z’.” Teee heee.
HAHAHA! I’m glad you’re digging the monologues Blake. Keep company back for a visit because I will be adding more Stoner Monologues regularly!
Joseph
We were a little skeptical at PM to put this monologue in there. We passed it around our confidants and were aghast when several wanted to know where the “video” was! There you go! Most of us thought of Cheech and Chong monologues when we read this one. See the monologues complete with a graphic image at http://www.petmonologues.com/pet022207/?p=321
Happy you included this monologue within your website! Thanks
Joseph