“Mr. High and Mighty” (serio-comic) 1 minute

Monologue Description:  “Mr. High and Mighty” touches on what it’s like to finally snap on your co-workers, after years of torment.

Character Description:  In this monologue, KELLY (27/Female) snaps on her co-workers after being disrespected for the final time.

Character Background:  Kelly is a hard working computer programmer.  She is in fact a genius when it comes to computer programming.  In her spare time she is building her own programming language.  She slaves at work and is treated like a reservoir dog because she is so young, compared to the other programmers that are set in their “old school” ways.  Kelly is favored by her boss for her great skill and ingenuity but out of jealousy and feeling threatened by her, Kelly’s co-workers have teamed up to try and get her to quit.  The battle has gone on for three years.

Kelly comes from a very loving and loyal family.  She is close to her two brothers and shares everything private with her parents.  She studied computer engineering at New York University and graduated highest in her class.  She is a well rounded and fun individual.   Both a geek and hip.

Character Circumstances:  Kelly has reached her breaking point after she overhears three co-workers completely bashing her behind her back.  This monologue is a last straw for Kelly and she doesn’t care about losing her job.  Her self respect is more important to her at this point.  She focuses her attention more so on one man but her lashing is towards all three.

KELLY:

You want me to do a better job?  You want to challenge me?  You have no idea who you are messing with.  I have more experience and knowledge in my left pinky toe, than you have in your whole body.  You may be older than me, you may think you have a say but in actuality, you are bitter, washed up losers.  A nobody that gets their kicks by coming down on someone who is trying to come up.  What makes YOU an authority?  What the hell have you done in your own life, that gives you the power to speak about me as you all do?  TELL ME?!  I’ve dealt with this crap loooong enough!!!

I look at you and I feel sorry for you.   Instead of being a friend and making sound suggestions, you instead talk and treat me like an imbecile.  To top it all off, I’m constantly fixing YOUR errors and covering YOUR asses!!!  I guess I am the work idiot!  You snake, you baffoon, you inconsiderate, low down, rotten cheeseball.  BANTER BANTER BANTER!  That’s what we get around here.  BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.  And you know what else???  BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH and BLAH.  Look everyone, it’s Mr. BLAH BLAH.

You want more? All of you!  Thinking your shit doesn’t stink.  You don’t like me, FINE–SCREW YOU!  You don’t appreciate what I do, FINE–SCREW YOU!  You think you can do it better, FINE–SCREW YOU! 

You are jealous, mindless, round headed nitwits!  You are a spineless goat faced loud mouth, who doesn’t know a damn thing about a damn thing.  A third grader has more sense than you do pal.  Why don’t you shave your beard and lose some weight, this way you can perhaps get laid and you wouldn’t be such a bad guy.  GO GET LAID!!!!