“Johnny PIZZAZZ Salon” (comedy) 1 minute

Monologue Description:  “Johnny’s Salon” touches on the wrong way of doing business.

Character Description:  In this monologue, JOHNNY (45/Male) talks to eight women he has hired to be beauticians for his Grand Opening of Johnny’s Salon. 

Character Background:  Johnny is a man who takes himself waaaaay to seriously.  He thinks more of himself than he actually is.  When he was a kid, if he a one dollar in his pocket, he walked around like it was a thousand.  He has flair and his nickname is Pizzazz.  Little does he know that that name was given to him as a joke but Johnny being Johnny, thinks it’s complementative.  So he began calling himself Johnny Pizzazz.

Johnny was close to his mother and always had an affinity for women.  He loves women.  He thinks of himself as a hardcore ladies man but he really is considered a schmuck by most women.  He worked in a salon for years to score with women.  His biggest dream was to open his own salon one day.

Character Circumstances:  Johnny Pizzazz has reached his big day.  His big dream of opening up his very own salon.  He is both excited and nervous as well as edgy.  He needs his place to be a success or else his life’s work will feel like one great big waste.  In this monologue he talks to eight women whom he has hired, for a little pep talk and babble.  He needs to make sure they are ready.

JOHNNY: 

You think you got what it takes to work here ladies?  (to one woman) Do YOU?!  It takes time, commitment, focus, diligence, concentration, diligence…did I say that already?  HARD WORK.  You understand?  It’s all about fundamentals.  If a customer says they would like some coffee, go pour them a cup.  If a customer wants to talk to you about why their dog pissed and shit all over their new cashmere carpets, you listen.  You listen, carefully.  We are here to listen.  We are listeners.  So LISTEN.  That’s why I hired all of you.

Women don’t care about their hairs.  Let’s face the issue here.  They want a place they can call on, to tell their sob stories.  Getting their hairs done is an excuse for comfort.  Now ladies, I been in this business for many years now, look at me.  Look at me.  Huh?  Huh?  I know what I’m talking about, okay.   Huh?  Look at my hair..PRISTINE.  My hair has looked immaculate since I came out of my mothers womb.  Okay?  I’m a born hair designer.  That’s right ladies.  HAIR DESIGNER.  Enough ’bout me now.  We’re not here for me…

(He looks in the mirror and sprays his hair)

…we’re here for YOU.   

If you have a headache, too bad, take an aspirin.  If you got cramps cause it’s that time of the month, too bad, let it out in the bathroom.  Whatever, I don’t know how those things work.  All I know is that we treat all our customers like they are the President of the United States.  That’s it.

We’re gonna open the doors now ladies.  Ya’z all look beautiful.  Make daddy proud!  Let’s open those doors to success.  Are you ready?  Let’s go LISTEN!!!!