“Hanky” (serio-comic) 1 minute

Monologue Description:  “Hanky” is about a guy who doesn’t like blowing his nose in handkerchiefs.

Character Description:  Randy talks to a few friends at a party about blowing your nose in a handkerchief.  It doesn’t make sense to him and he explains why.

RANDY:   

Can someone please tell me the definition of a hanky?  Now, I blow my nose like I’m playing the trumpet.  I could have my own band and everything.  Just the power of my blow alone can tear a hanky apart.  I am a paper towel kind of guy.  It’s quick, it’s easy and inexpensive. 

I think a handkerchief is nasty.  Not only do I blow my nose extremely hard, but alot of gook comes out.  Could you imagine holding on to a handkerchief that is loaded with glops of snot with holes?  It’s nasty right?  That would be me. 

Who wants to pull out this heavily used hanky, which will probably resemble a ball at some point and slowly pull apart the dry snot in order to get another blow out of it?

I know it’s gross but it’s true and it’s an honest question.  Who the hell would want a hanky?  And the best are those people who have their hankys initialled.  Are you fucking kidding me or what?  Like they are the elite nose blowers.  Please, we all have crap in our noses just like all of our shit stinks.

It’s just nuts.