“Underwear Ashes” (serio-comic) 1-2 minutes

Monologue Description: “Underwear Ashes” is about a couple breaking up because of past sexual relationships.

Character Description:  Donna complains to her friend Becca about why her boyfriend Charlie broke up with her.

DONNA:   

Why is it that when a woman sleeps around, she’s considered a whore and when a man sleeps around, he’s considered a stud?  That’s such crap.  Women want to have fun too. 

I cannot believe my boyfriend broke up with me because I told him I had sex with ten guys.  It’s not like that is an outrageous number.  Especially in today’s world.  Things are different nowadays.  It’s not like I slept with ten men at once.  This was over the course of the last twelve years.  So, I’m like the virgin freaking mary compared to most woman my age.

How many men have you slept with Gena? 

(beat)

THAT MANY?!  Holy shit, if I slept with that many, I think Charlie would have passed out.  That bastard.  He wouldn’t tell me how many women he slept with.  God only knows.  Please, he probably slept with like thirty different women.  I hate him for what he did.  I thought we had something good together.  I should have lied.  I should have told him two guys.  But then again, if he can’t accept me for who I am, than he can kiss my ass.  He doesn’t deserve me.

(her cellphone rings)

Oh My God!  It’s him, it’s Charlie!  Shhhh Shhhh Shhhh!!!!!

(answers her cellphone)

Hello? 

(beat)

What? 

(beat)

Your Calvin Klein underwear???  WAIT.  You are calling me because you have a handful of YOUR Calvin Klein underwear at my place?  YOU are the biggest loser I ever met Charlie!  I am going to BURN all of your underwear.  You can come by to pick up the ashes OR you can go and buy yourself some new underwear.  You cheap bastard.  Half of them have holes in them anyway.  And just so you know, I BOUGHT you ten brand new pairs of Calvin Klein underwear for your upcoming birthday and I’m burning those ALSO!

(she hangs up her cellphone)

The nerve!  That bastard.  He makes me feel like dirt.  I’ll give him his freaking underwear.  His holy underwear, more important than me?!  That bastard.