“A Nightmare Of A Day” (serio-comedy) 1-2-3 Minutes

Monologue Description: “A Nightmare Of A Day” is about what it can sometimes be like to be in the sales industry.

Character Description: Sandra talks to her friend about the worst possible customer, that could have walked into the clothing store she works for.

SANDRA:

Oh Farrah, you have no idea…I had to help find this one sixteen year old girl find the perfect sweet sixteen dress. You have no idea what a little bitch this girl was. I’m talking, attitude with a capitol freaking A! She waltzes in the store with her mother and right off the back she has an attitude with me. Just the way she asked for help, like her shit didn’t stink. She was like, “I need to find a dress and you better find me one now.” Then the little bitch rolls hers eyes at me.

I bit my tongue. So I pull out ten different dresses based on what she described to me. And every single dress, this girl would complain and be rude and say nasty little comments. Finally, she crossed the line with me when she called me stupid under her breath. So when she went on to try the next dress, I went into the changing room with her and scared the shit out of her.

I said, “Listen to me now you little bitch, I don’t care how much money you will or will not spend in this store, you will not speak to me in that manner. If you say one more rude, inconsiderate thing to me, I will rip the hairs out of your head. You got me?” The girl nodded all wide eyed. Now, I couldn’t believe I got like that. I know she’s only sixteen but when I tell you she is a spoiled rotten brat, it’s an understatement. And her mother would just turn red and smile. She not once confronted her daughter about how disrespectful she was being. Can you believe that? I know a girls sweet sixteen is a special day but I just couldn’t tolerate this kids smart ass persona. There’s no excuse for that behavior.

To make matters worse, she was like two hundred pounds. Not that that matters in general but this girl wanted to fit into something Christina Aguilera would wear. Everytime I tried to explain it to her in a nice way that she was overweight, she would raise her voice at me. Like it’s my fault! I wasn’t calling her fat, I was trying to inform her that the dresses she was picking out, were not made for a young lady her size.

But this kid wouldn’t listen to me. She kept trying on the dresses she wanted. She would actually get herself in them but not without little pockets of fat bubbling out of the dress under her arm pits or her lower back or her belly. What did she expect miracles? I think she wanted the damn dress to magically transform her into a swan. I could make great things happen but honey, I’m not God.

She kept saying, I want something to make me more curvy. Curvy? Curvy??? This kid was out of her mind. What curves??? All that kept happening is that it would make her fat tighten up like a rock in one section of the dress. So what finally happens? This one damn dress begins ripping at the seams! I almost begged her not to try this dress on but she insisted. I didn’t think it would rip, but…it ripped. And it wasn’t no little itty bitty rip. It was like the dress bursted at the seams. The dress was screaming for forgiveness. It hurt me to see her in it. She looked like a mummy from Egypt. She was frozen stiff!!

She finally worked up enough nerve to make a movement but she moved to quickly and the dress went like Moses parting the red sea! RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP!!!!!!!!! Right down the center of her back, exposing a series of connect the dot warts to go with her beautiful flab. I know, I know, I’m being mean now. But still. It was ridiculous. A nightmare of a day.