“What’s My Name?” (serio-comedy) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “What’s My Name?” is about screwing up someons name a billion times.

Character Description: James talks to his girlfriend about her parents getting his name right.

JAMES:

My name is James. James! Not John or Joe or Jeff or Jim or any other J names. Why can’t your parents get that? What am I, an asshole? How hard is it to remember James? Your parents have called me every name in the book that begins with a J except my actual real name. Do they not like me? Do they have mental issues? What? What? I remember there names quite clearly. Tom and Rose. Simple. It’s not rocket science babe.

Tell them, tell them because it’s messed up! They should know my name is James. Tell them, say, “Mom, Dad, my boyfriends name is JAMES, JAMES, JAMES!!!”

(sighs) Okay. I feel better now. I don’t mean to make it such a big deal honey but come on, really, you know I’m right about this. Joshua..can’t believe they called me Joshua. Hey, what about when they called me Charlie. What the hell was that? CHARLIE?! I was shocked. I’ve been so polite to your folks. I’ve must have told them my name at least five or six times babe. But Charlie? Charlie?? I don’t even look like a Charlie! I knew a Charlie once and he had moles all over his face and he smelt like tuna fish and NO WAY, I am not a Charlie.

Just talk to them for me, please. That’s all I ask. Next time we go over your parents place, I hope they call me James, not Justin or Jesse or freaking Jed or Jack. Okay??? James, that’s my name.

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