“Funny Face” (drama) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “Funny Face” is a gangsters tale about murder.

Character Description: Vin talks to his partner about what he experienced in the process of killing the dead guy they have in the trunk of their car.

VIN:

Where we dumpin’ the body moe? Been driving around since forever. Seriously. Let’s get there already man, I’m fucking starving. (beat) (starts laughing to himself)Not for nothin’ but did you see the faces he was making? No, seriously though. I never saw a guy that was dying make so many funny faces. He reminded me of that guy from the honeymooners, the fat one. What the hell was his name? Norton! Ha Ha. Maybe it’s because he’s a fat bastard also, you know.I think what made it funny is that he was silent. He didn’t make any noises but his facial expressions were screaming. Ha Ha. And it took him like forever to fucking die. I wasn’t sure if I should of stabbed ‘em again or not but I was so caught up with his funny faces that I forgot I was in the act of killing the guy. Ha Ha. That ever happen to you??At one point I think his eyes crossed…Eh, whatever…We almost there yet or what? I gotta eat. Stomach is starting to hurt.

“Stretch” (comedy) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “Stretch” is about embarrassing moments.

Character Description: The fitness instructor is pretty much stunned by her own bodily function.

INSTRUCTOR:

Do you feel it? Okay, now breeeeeeaaaaaaaatttthhheee. Good, good and back again..hold it..annnnnnnnd brrrrreeeeeeaaaaatttthhhhheeee. Good, good, one more time, back again..hold it..annnnnnnd brrreeeaaaaatttthhhhhee.(lets out a fart) Oh. Oh, my. That’s never, that’s never happend to me in class before. I am sorry sorry. How em (smells the gas)–wow. Okay.. Boy, I didn’t know it would smel–shit. Okay, well, it IS hot. (People leave the classroom.) It’s HOT. Yeah. Well, I don’t blame ya! haha! Go get some air, come back in five minutes. I’m going to open up all the windows and put on all the fans.I’m sorry, so sorry for this. Terrible.

(sighs)

(coughs)

(to herself)

Whew…

(coughs)

“Crumbs” (drama) Under 1 minute

Monologue Description: “Crumbs” is about a couple having weed wars.

Character Description: Selena complains to her friend Meg about how her boyfriend is greedy pot smoker.

SELENA:

That’s his new nickname, CRUMBS. What do I look like? He is so inconsiderate Meg. He always leaves me with shit. Crumbs! Watch and see, when I ask him about it, he’s going to play the whole, “I didn’t know babe, I didn’t know”. He knows. He’s greedy. That’s what it is Meg. GREED. I’ll just go and buy my own little secret stash of pot without him knowing. I’ll fix his ass. This way I’ll always have the hookup and when he’s dry, I’ll get my satisfaction.

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