“IKEA Desk” (serio-comic) 2 Minutes

Monologue Description: “IKEA Desk” is about a couple arguing over why they argued about the IKEA desk they recently purchased from the store.

Character 1: Brianna talks to her marriage counselor about why her and her husband fought over the IKEA desk and how she feels she isn’t wrong.
Character 2: Paul talks to his marriage counselor about why he and his wife argued over the IKEA desk.

Both are in the room at the same time having a session with their marriage counselor.

BRIANNA:

So we go to IKEA to go and find a desk that would look nice in our studio and would be cheap. That’s why people go to IKEA, so they could get decent furniture for dirt cheap.

So, we found a desk, a nice big white desk. Big enough for both of us to share. We get home and he goes to build the desk. But as usual the impatient animal in him comes out because you think he would know how to turn a freaking screw into a hole.

I’m watching him slave over this when its clear as day to my two eyes. He’s sitting there, on the floor, trying to figure out which screws go into which wholes. The directions they give you have enormous visual drawings on them. And there are only like three simple steps to follow. He can’t get past step one. After I tell him which whole of course his ego is wounded so he pouts like a big stinking baby and that escalates into grunts and moans, until finally he lets out a few angry growls, which leads to mental commotion and results in banging, glinging, shouting, throwing, yelling, deep breaths, sweat, hair pulling and finally, for the grand finale…he breaks the desk!

Yep….My husband.

(Now we got to Pauls monologue Point Of View)

PAUL:

It’s bullshit Doc. Listen to me. First off, she breaks my balls until Kingdom come while we’re driving to IKEA. She keeps thumbing through the discount catalog magazine and keeps telling me to “Look, Look, Look at this. What do you think about that?” AND I’M DRIVING!!! Then she gets mad at me for not looking fast enough.

So, we get to the freaking store and now I’m aggrivated but not aggrivated enough to the point of ruining my shopping experience. Just angry enough to have a sad face but nothing more than that. So, I’M FINE. What does she do doc? She starts taking me into every freaking isle IKEA ever had built!!! We came for a desk and somehow we ended up being in the garden section deciding on which plants would look good on the window sill, facing the yard! Come on!!!

And what happens? She yells at me and calls me impatient and God knows whatever else she mutters under her breath. God only knows…

By now I am on my last nerve but still willing to get home, build the desk and enjoy whatever afternoon I had left. But NOOOOOOOOOOO! God forbid I enjoy ONE afternoon in my lifetime.

You know Doc, listen, every man sometimes enjoys a bit of physical work. It kind of reminds you that it’s good to be a man. BUT MY WIFE must always butt in with her two cents about how I don’t know what I’m doing, that I don’t know how to hold a hammer, that I look confused and on and on and on…NEVER giving me one damn second, just one lousy second to think and take my time and ENJOOOOOOY building the freaking piece of shit desk that we bought from IKEA!!!

So what happens? I end up finally snapping because she has led me to becoming wild and senseless and I get the blame!

Yep….My wife.