“Book Search” (serio-comedy) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “Book Search” is about a man who found more than he bargained for in a bookstore.

Character Description: In this monologue, Marco tells his friend Dana about his bookstore experience with an old man who passed gas in his face.

MARCO:

You know, not for nothing but some people are really inconsiderate animals. I was in the bookstore before, looking up STUFF and I am bent down thumbing through some books when this old man comes walking past me. He stops right in front of my face and he is thumbing through books also right above me on the higher shelf.

A minute goes by and he is really crowding me but I’m being stubborn because I was there first and I was enjoying my browsing until he showed up. Another minute goes by and this guy is really annoying the shit out of me.

And then I hear…FFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAA GGGGGGGGGGGEEERRRRRRR

It almost sounded like a fucking word I kid you not.

HE FARTED RIGHT IN MY FACE DANA!

What did I do? What do you think did? I inhaled it! I got up and was completely devastated by this but before I could give him a piece of my mind I looked at him and felt bad because he was so old. He had to be in his late eighties.

I just walked away from the stench and waited for him to leave the aisle before I went back to my book search. What was I supposed to do? I never thought in all my years that I would ever allow someone to blatanlty blast a fart right in my face and let them get away with it.

Now, I don’t know if he even realized what he did, or perhaps he just didn’t care or what. But it was disgusting and it was upsetting.

AWFUL!!!

But wait…there’s more. I got even. After about I’d say a half hour or so, I needed to use the rest room and while I was in the bathroom I noticed a man using the toilet. It was the old man! I recognized him because of his shoes! Now, call me evil but on my way out of the bathroom…I shut the lights, just as I heard him beginning to wipe his ass.

I’m sorry, I know, I know I am an asshole but it felt good to get him back and I really don’t have much remorse. I’m sure he wasn’t too pleased to be wiping his ass in the dark!!!