“Hook Up Artist” (serio-comedy) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “Hook Up Artist” is about an eccentric dating service.

Character Description: In this monologue, Dustin complains to his hired dating service consultant that he doesn’t like the service they are providing for him.

DUSTIN:

Outrageous!? You want something outrageous?! What would you like sir, would you like me to do hand stands and talk fluent in some foregin language to sound crazy, sexy, cool? Would that be OUTRAGEOUS enough for you hotshot? You know, it’s people like you that give me bad gas. Do I look like Scott Baio to you, forty five and single…COME ON!

I’m sixty five years old. Most of my life is behind me now. I’m just looking for a sweet lady, perhaps ten years my junior, that is full of life and that can enjoy my company. I’m a rich man, granted and I want to travel around the world. But she has to be right. You see? I need a real woman who will care about what I’m about, NOT what my bank account says.

You have me dressed up in this flowery jacket and this stupid ass hat. You say its for fun and that it will show my sense of humor and that I will appear youthful. I am already all those things! I don’t need this get up to achieve that.

What am I paying you for? You are supposed to be this tremendous hook up artist, instead I feel like I belong to an underground club in europe or some circus that hasn’t come out yet. What is this?!

Just introduce me to some ladies with class and integrity and let’s see if we find a good match. That’s all! Don’t make me buy this company and fire your ass!!!