“The Toe Technique” (comedy) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “The Toe Technique” is about taking a massage class that should be shut down.

Character Description: In this monologue, Midgia is a “so called” massage expert that specializes in toes. She begins to instruct her new class in The Toe Technique.

MIDGIA:

OOOOOOOOOOO Yeah Yeah Yeah!!!!!Today we are going to talk about toes. YOUR toes, MY toes, TOES TOES, EVERYBODY’S TOES!! Who knows the toes?! Do you? Do you sir? Toes are the most overlooked part of the body, YET they can provide wonderful pleasure.

Who here has ever had their toes sucked? Anyone, show of hands? Okay, okay. What about toe caressing? Anyone here by show of hands have ever had their toes massaged? NO?! I am shocked but then again, THIS IS WHY YOU’RE HERE!!!

Let us begin. Everybody, WIP OUT YOUR TOES. Please, Just, wip out those toes. Let us look and those toes. Toes, toes, toes. I love toes.

Okay. In order to give pleasure to your significant other, you need to become a master of the toe. I have special technique only that I call, THE TOE TECHNIQUE.

Kids don’t try this at home. HAHAHAHA. I am only kidding, I am a kidderer. I kid, I kid.

Really take the cream that is next to you and I want you to begin applying the cream to your own toes. That’s right, that’s good, very good. Not too much, just enough to get the toe lightly creamed up. Good. Excellent.

Now, begin to rub the big toe. Rub the big toe nice a nicey. Good, good. Okay, now for the fun part. I want you to turn to your neighbor, stick that big ass toe in their face and let them rub your toe. DO IT! DO IT!

That’s a nice. Good. Now–

(phone rings)

Hello? I am in a class my friend. Excuse me? (beat) Excuse me sir but you do not have black toe. There is no such thing. IT IS NOT FROM THE CREAM!!!

(hangs up phone)

Silly customer, complaining to me about a new disease called BLACK TOE. He claims it is from the cream. Ridiculous. Look at my toes, I have been using this toe cream for years, my toes HAVE ALWAYS BEEN BLACK.

(phone rings)

Hello? Sir, I told you, I am in a class right now. What? I am not evil, you are an unhappy customer. I will send you two bottles of my best toe cream for free. Okay? Will that relax you?

(hangs up)

Where are you going class? Hello? You all cannot leave. This is important for your development of The Toe Technique. Hey wait, wait!!!