“A Moment Of Shartness” (comedy) 2 Minutes

Monologue Description: “A Moment Of Shartness” is about someone shitting their draws.

Character Description: In this monologue, two friends are leaving the house to go out clubbing with their girls. Once they get in the car, something smells funny…read on and find out what it is!

MELVIN:

Yo, you step in shit? Come on man, what is that? Smells like toothpase and shit or something. Weird.

(beat)

You’re stinking up my car bro! Check your shoes. What is that? That’s shit. You stepped in shit. No? Your shoes are clean? My shoes are clean too. Check the floor, did shit fall off your shoe and you rubbed it nice in my rug? No?? You sure??

What the fuck? What the–what is that man?

Hold on, hold on…follow the smell. Try to follow which way the shit is going?

(taking deep sniffs)

You smell that right? It’s coming from your end. Come on man, don’t lie, you shart or something? Smells like you shit your draws bro.

You know what? Get out of the car. Lets both get out of the car and see what the he–What? You DID shart? Yo, YOU SHARTED IN MY CAR BRO?

COME ON MAN!!!!

Oh God, I can’t believe you! What?! I don’t care if your lactose intolerant man, now my car smells like shit and we gotta go pick up the girls!

Yo, you weren’t going to say anything??? You were going to walk around tonight and dance tonight, with shit on your ass???

You what? You WIPED IT UP. When did, OH, is that what the hell was taking so long in the bathroom to get ready. Yeah, no wonder. Why didn’t you just say something bro, like, what did you do to clean up?

HAHAHAHAHA

You ran your underwear under the water! HAHAHAHA

So now your ass is wet. Bro, I’d lend you a pair of underwear man. It’s not gay bro, we’re bros. Hey, do you want a pair of my fucking underwear or not? Huh? Yeah…ok. But listen, did you finish what you started cause I don’t need my calvin klein underwear having YOUR shit stains on it, alright?

WAIT. I ran out of toilet paper before, what did you wipe your ass with??? LISTERINE!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You washed your asshole out with listerine!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

I can’t take it man, I’m gonna die dude. HAHAHAHA I’m gonna fucking die right here. I can’t take it. That’s the funniest shit ever.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!