“Cheese Balls” (comedy) 1-2 Minutes

Monologue Description: “Cheese Balls” is about personal hygiene.

Character Description: In this monologue, Edna talks to her girlfriend about a hot guy she’s been dating but the problem with him is he has hygiene issues down below.

EDNA:

He’s got cheese balls. At first you know, I thought it was just a bad whiff but, it wasn’t. It was the first time we were about to have sex and I was really turned on by him but, I don’t know, when I went down on him, he had really bad odor. Not bad enough to stop doing what we were doing but bad enough for me to move back up top. You know? I wasn’t about to give him head if his balls smelt like cheese.

Seriously, that ever happen to you? You ever go down on a guy and realized to your dismay that his package was, well, smelly?

I didn’t say nothing to him, I kind of played it off but it really bothered me. Here was this drop dead gorgeous guy that I was dating and couldn’t wait to you know what with and he had to have cheese balls. It was really off putting. I ignored it as long as I didn’t get close to it.

I’m seeing him tonight. We are making it a blockbuster night. If things happen and I get the whiff again than I’m afraid I’m going to have to tell him. I will be pissed off too. The first time I’m gonna let it slide but if he has cheese balls again, like goat cheese balls or whatever type of cheese balls there are, I’m telling his ass off.

I’m a beautiful woman and I deserve to be with a man that takes care of himself, that washes himself every single day. I’m not going to get stuck with some dirty bastard, I’ll tell you right now. Screw that! He will find himself alone. I don’t care how hot he is cause that’s nasty.