“No Sex” (comedy) 2 Minutes

September 8, 2007 by The Monologue Blogger

Filed under 2 Minute Monologues, MB Library, Male Monologues - Comedy

Monologue Description: “No Sex” is about a couple not having sexual intercourse as much as they used to.

Character Description: In this monologue, Scotty talks to his best friend about not feeling eager to have sex with his girlfriend anymore.

SCOTTY:

We haven’t had sex for like two weeks. Or is it three weeks? No, it’s, well, it’s, no, no, it’s two and a half weeks…almost three weeks. Two and a half weeks. I think we both just have gotten a bit complacent about the whole thing. We just gradually started to fade out. Not sure why. Kind of gotten tired of it. I still love her and all but, you know, I just haven’t felt like horny or anything like that. I haven’t wanted to have sex. I mean, she’s attractive as all hell, don’t get me wrong. She’s beautiful but, I don’t know I just kinda feel bored sometimes. I know that sounds fucked up but I can’t think of any other way to describe it. Bored.

Maybe it’s me. Maybe my sex drive has changed. I am getting older but I’ve always been very sexual. Who know. It could be a phase. Couples go through phases right? It could be a a phase. Like a break before we jump back in. Right?

(beat)

But, but what if it’s not a phase man? What if we simply don’t want eachother anymore…sexually? What if we are becoming friends? Oh God, that’s fucking scary. Oh God! No, I can’t let that happen. I might have a toe in the friend zone and that’s not cool man. No.

I have to change this shit. I need to step up to the plate and start swinging. I gotta start hitting those home runs again. I haven’t even hit a base hit lately. Damn. I gotta spice it up. What should I do? Should I go to a sex shop, buy some toys, get a little freaky?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s a start. I’ll buy some porn tapes, get some creams and lotions, some vibrators, maybe some costumes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(beat)

What if that doesn’t work? Maybe I should go out and buy a few books for sexual performance. You know as a, as a way to get my mojo back. I have mojo, it’s just been sleeping is all.

That’s it. My mind is made up! I am going to change! I am going to become the greatest lover that ever lived! I am going to rock my woman’s world! Hell Yeah!! This is my life’s ambition!!!!!