“Wing Girl” (comedy) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “Wing Girl” is about helping a friend.

Character Description: In this monologue, Janice talks to her girlfriend about her desperate need for sex.

JANICE:

Dara, listen to me…I gotta get laid.  I am horny as shit.  Listen, we NEED to go out this Saturday, I gotta find a man soon before I burst into flames.  I am hot, hot, hot for a man and if I don’t get some action soon, I am going to self destruct!

It’s been six months!!!  I am in a major drought.  Call the fire squad, call somebody.  Who do you know???  You gotta know somebody?  NO, not your neighbor!  Who, Fred?  You mean Fred?!  Oh God, no way!!  You’re crazy to even mention–well I know he–he would fuck anything and I’m not just ANYTHING.  I’m horny but I wouldn’t go that far babe.  Jesus!  Is that what you think of me?  FRED!  Fred is the slimiest, hairiest, tackiest, wackiest guy ever!!!  Hell no, no way bitch.  Can’t believe you brought his sorry ass up.  FORGET IT and stop laughing! 

I am in a crisis!  Don’t you see?  My juices are flowing and I NEED some ass.  Think like five notches up from Fred and I’m in.  Do you know anybody else?  No?  Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Okay look, we are going on an ass hunt this Saturday.  I don’t give a shit if you have a boyfriend.  I need my wing girl with me.  You down?  Help a sister out.  Just back me up until I get a decent guy.  Okay?  You are the only one that rolls like me babe.  Okay?  Yeah?  So, you’ll do it?