“Happily Married” (serio-comedy) 1-2 Minutes

Monologue Description: “Happily Married” is about a older man giving his philosophy on life to a younger man.

Character Description: In this monologue, Cyro talks to his friend about how he lives his life.  He shares his life’s wisdom with this younger man, teaching him the value of living life according to his own standards. 

CYRO:

Listen, they are ALL the same.  They want security and want to feel safe and it’s there mission in life to torture us.  They are all fucking crazy.  I haven’t met a woman yet that’s normal and I’ve been alive for sixty two years!  They are designed to suck the blood from us until there is nothing left and then they toss us aside like the foolish prey that we are.

That’s why I changed my life.  That’s why I have been happy for the last thirty two years.  Ever since Kindra left me, my life has been GREAT!  It made me realize that living the bachelor life is a blessing. 

Look at me Frank, I’m sixty two years old and I am filthy rich with my own Media Empire.  I go out one day a week.  That’s it.  Saturday!  Whether it’s with friends or with a girl I have on the up stroke, it’s what I do, how I live my life.  And it works for me.

For example, I’ll begin my night at eight o’clock Saturday night and if a girl stays over, she’s gotta be out by 3 p.m. the next day.  This achieves TWO things.  A, she doesn’t ever get that close to me and B, I don’t waste my time.  My time is my life.  I work six days a week and I wouldn’t give my work up for the world.  My work is my world and it is the one thing that never stabs me in the back and the one thing that truly makes me happy in my life.  You see, any woman that I encounter can only be a mistress to my wife because I am married, HAPPILY MARRIED to my passions.  And THAT, is living my friend.

(beat)

Kids?  I have kids.  Kids that I care for, less fortunate kids.  I donate my money and time to those kids.  I’ve adopted children overseas in order to give them a better life…those are my kids.  It makes my soul feel complete.  When I die, I already know where my money is going and again, THAT IS LIVING!

Forget all the aggravation and the stress and the neediness and the wants of a woman.  Trust me.  It is not worth it my friend.  You’re a single guy, you’re young, you’re good looking and you are HUNGRY FOR SUCCESS.  You remind me of me when I was your age.  You are UNSTOPPABLE!