“Charity” (serio-comedy) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “Charity” is about getting stuck with a bill while going out with your friends.

Character Description: In this monologue, Michael talks to his friend about what there other two friends did in regards to sticking him with a bill, while out at a club over the weekend.

MICHAEL:

The guys got more money than God and he’s the cheapest son of a bitch I’ve ever known.  Lenny is loaded, trust me.

(beat)

We go out the other night, right?  We went to this place called MYST.  Whatever, we’re hanging out, having some fun, meeting some ladies and we decide to go V.I.P.  We get a booth and order a few bottles and life is great. 

Later in the night, it comes time to pay the bill and wouldn’t you know it, I’m the only asshole standing there.  I’m staring at the bill on the table with three girls around me.  So now my pride is a factor cause I can’t look like some jerkoff that can’t afford the bill.  But that’s besides the point.  Everybody seemed to disappear.  I’m looking around at the dance floor, I take a walk to the bathrooms, I check outside, I come back to the table and only the girls are still there.  Now my blood goes up right? 

The bill came to fourteen hundred dollars.  So I paid the bill and left.  The next morning I get a phone call from lenny saying he was in a brawl outside when he went out for a smoke and that him and Ernie got thrown out of the club. 

He was full of shit.  The guy drinks like a fish.  I was never a big drinker, my whole life I’ve been that way…had like two shots and three glasses and I was fine.  I don’t mind chipping in even if I didn’t drink much but those guys rounded on me so I could pay the bill.

It pissed me off.  So I told him, “Asshole, I don’t care about your stupid brawl, I want my money, you owe me five hundred and Ernie owes me five hundred.”  I told him, “What do you think this is, CHARITY?” 

So now I haven’t heard back from either one of those guys and they are supposed to be my closest friends.  Imagine?  This is the shit I gotta deal with in my life??

But I did have fun though back at my place with my lady friends.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

But my moron friends don’t need to know that…hahaha.