“Smellllllly” (comedy) 2 Minutes

Monologue Description: “Smelllllly”  is about a girl who has terrible foot odor.

Character Description: In this monologue, Darnell talks to his good friend about a girl he had over his place whose feet smelt so bad that he fainted.  He describes the events that took place.

DARNELL:

Bro, listen to me, the girl has stank feet.  Stanky–ass–feet.  Odorific!!  Like cheese, rotted onions and like arm pits that haven’t been washed in decades kind of foot odor.  I fainted.  No really.  I fucking fainted bro. 

We were in my bedroom, fooling around and she was on her back.  So whatever, you know, things started getting a little hot and I pull off her jeans nice and slow and sexy.  We kept fooling around, things were getting hotter and hotter…I pull off her panties and she’s nice, (kisses his fingers like an Old Italian)  Multi Bella, (tranlation means very beautiful) she’s got a landing strip, REAL nice, well maintained.   So we get to the take off your boots part.

I tell her to take off her boots and at first she was hesitant.  I didn’t understand why and I was like, “Don’t worry baby, I’ll take them off for you”.  Right?  So I do and man oh man!  Let me tell you Greg, when I took off this girls boot, HOOOOLY SHIIIIIT did I faint.  I literally got weak and trembly.  I fell to one side man and it was the wrong side of the bed!  I fell OFF the fucking bed and onto the floor, BAM, fell down hard.  Seriously, no joke.  I really inhaled it cause I didn’t expect it.

I felt sick and hurt cause I landed on my head bro.  My head was pounding and I started getting hot flashes in my neck and I told her to get me water.  I was like, (in a strained voice) “Get me water, get me water.”   I was like that guy begging for water in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.  Anyway!

She comes back with a glass of water and I’m still on the floor trying to get up.  And she’s got one boot on and her other foot, the one with the boot off is right by my face!  And I was like, “OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”  And my head jerked back, it like snapped back bro. 

I could barely get the words out to her….I was like, “Fee, fee, your fee, your feet smell horrible.” 

And she was like, “Oh, that’s from the boots”.  Can I use your bathroom sink, I’ll wash them up? 

And I was like, “How old are those boots girl?”

And she was like, “I just bought them”.

And I was like, “Just bought them?  Are you sure it’s not your feet?  Do your feet smell when you wear other shoes?

And she was like, “No.”

But tonight I’m seeing her again and I wanna see if her feet are going to smell or not bro.  If her feet stank again, dude, I am done with that broad.  Hell no!  I wish you could have smelt it just to see what the hell I’m talking about.  It was ridiculous!  It was worse than a homeless man’s ass, okay?  Not that I know what a homeless man’s ass smells like but you get the picture.