“Phone Calls” (comedy) 1-2 Minutes

Monologue Description: “Phone Calls” is about playing the “date” game.

Character Description: In this monologue,  Meagan talks to her girlfriend over lunch about her frustration over the games guys play when it comes to making the first call.  Meagan eats alot of food during this monologue due to her anxiety over Frank, the guy she recently met.  The food should be used as a prop for the scene.

MEAGAN: 

Why do these guys have to play these stupid asinine games?  Why do they have to have a dumb three day rule?  I mean, if you like me and you are thinking about me, pick up your phone and dial my number.  Right?  Why play these games?  What is it, so they don’t look desperate or something?  They have to PROVE their manliness.  Whippdiddy doo!  Waiting three days is retarded and it gets the guy no where because by the time he does call, who wants to be bothered???

I’m certainly not going to wait around all damn day for HIS call.  I met Frank like three days ago, yeah, it was Saturday night.  He hasn’t called me.  We text messaged eachother for like half a day but he still hasn’t called me to make plans of any kind.  What is wrong with him?  I talk, I’m a good phone talker, I like talking, I love talking actually but he needs to call me.  I’m not even going to answer the phone when he calls me.  I’m going to make HIM wait now.  See if he likes that.  Yep.  Watch, as soon as he calls, HA, let the phone ring until it reaches my voice-mail.  Than we’ll see if he leaves a mess–

(her phone rings and it’s Frank)

Oh shit!  It’s HIM!  It’s Frank, Oh my God, Oh my God, what should I do?  Should I pick up?  Should I answer?  Should I pick up?!  Wait let him leave a message.  No wait, I gotta get a grip, let him leave a message….

(pause)

I’m waiting for the little BEE BOO noise my phone makes when someone leaves a message.  (beat)  He didn’t leave a message.  DAMN IT!  I should have picked up!  Should I call him back?  Should I call him?  Should I call him back?   Does it look bad to call him back if he didn’t leave a message?  I don’t want to look needy.  Cause I’m not, I’m not needy.  Right?  Right?  I’m not the needy type right?  Okay, so what should I do?

(her phone rings again)

Oh shit!  It’s Frank, it’s Frank, it’s Frank, it’s Frank.  Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!  Ummmmmmm, I gotta answer now right?  Yeah, okay, I’m gonna, oh boy, gotta take a few deep breaths…..

(she takes a few deep breaths)

(she answers her phone overly calm)

Hellllllo!