“Howta Be A Gangsta – Episode 2″ (comedy) 1 Minute

November 28, 2007 by The Monologue Blogger

Filed under 1 Minute Monologues, MB Library, Male Monologues - Comedy

Monologue Description: “Howta Be A Gangsta” is a spoof.

Character Description: In this monologue, Vic is doing his own personal DVD series on teaching people how to be gangsters. This character believes that he can make good money selling DVD’s on the subject. He takes the matter very seriously and with great passion.

VIC:

(to camera)

Hello everybody and welcome to “VIC’S SHOW - HOWTA BE A GANGSTA”, I’m your host VIC!

Today I am going to show you how to choke somebody out. Sometimes you can be in a tight situation and you gotta know how ta defend yourself in dis time of need. Sometimes you don’t have enough room ta kick or punch or swing a pipe, like in the last episode I showed ya. Sometimes you gotta use da claw.

Now, what is da claw ya must be wonderin’? Dat is why I am here, to tell ya.

I’m gonna demonstrate on Lucas ova here.

(To Lucas)

Lucas, just relax, I’m not really gonna choke ya, it’s for show, for our viewers.

(back to camera)

(Vic demonstrates on Lucas as he explains)

Now, when you are in dat time of need, dis is what you do. You pull your fingers back and spread them out from one another, like so. And then you viciously sic your hand like a pipple on the other persons jugular and squeeze with all your might. I call dis da claw and it works everytime.

(Vic is choking Lucas without realizing and without taking his hand off of Lucas’ neck)

You keep it there. Ya see how his face begins to turn red and he starts to go into some spasm.

(Lucas begins to shake)

(To Lucas)

Don’t shake too much Lucas, it won’t look real.

(back to camera)

Dat’s when you know you got him good and he ain’t goin’ no wheres. Hahaha.

(Lucas is still getting choked)

Reminds me of the time when I had dis big three hundred pound guy in a fight. We were going at it and then finally I gave him da claw. Slowed him down nice and

(Lucas faints)

…that’s good acting Lucas.

(Vic wearily steps away from Lucas)

Anyway, da claw worked on the guy and I think it worked on Lucas too. HAHAHAHA!!!!

Okay ladies and gents, that’s how you choke somebody out. USE DA CLAW!!!

That’s dat.

Until next time, I’m ya host VIC and this is “VICS SHOW – HOWTA BE A GANGSTA”.