“The Signing” (drama) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “The Signing” is about whether or not one should sign a prenuptial agreement.

Character Description:  In this monologue,  Eliza talks to her best friend about whether or not she should sign a prenuptial agreement.

ELIZA: 

I’m not signing it.  He must be out of his mind.  He flipped his lid!  If he wanted to have a prenuptial agreement than he should have told me early on in our relationship.  Not now!  Now he tells me.  I can’t believe him.  It makes me feel cheated.  I’m not signing that damn paper or whatever the heck it is, I’m not doing it. 

If he loves me he needs to love me for me.  I don’t want his money.  It’s not like I am marrying him for his money.  If he was poor I would marry him cause I love him passionately.  He is a great man.  He is everything I ever wanted in a man.

(beat)

Damn!  I can’t believe a piece of paper is coming between us.  Everything we are to one another, everything…I love him so much Carla.  I don’t want to lose him like this. 

(beat)

Maybe I should sign on the dotted line.  It just angers me because it makes me feel like he doesn’t trust me.  It makes me feel like something WILL go wrong between us. 

Oh, I don’t know…what should I do?  What do you think I do? 

“Popping The Wizard” (comedy) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “Popping The Wizard” is about ummm, well, it’s about NOT being able to “GO” when having sex.

Character Description:  In this monologue,  Cal talks to his friend about the trouble he had ejaculating the other night, while having sex with a beautiful woman.

CAL:

BRO, I haven’t had sex in like six months okay?  I was a little shaky when we did it.  But let me tell you something, I still got it.  Oh yeah, I still got it but not to my full extent.  I was pounding away for awhile but man, I just couldn’t get it up.  I couldn’t.  I was flipping her this way and that way, trying this position, that position, this angle, that angle.  Nada.  Zilch.  Zippo.  I wasn’t able to blow my load.  I was so backed up I felt it pulsating in my neck. 

She had a great time though.  She came a few times, life was good for her.  And you know what makes it worse?  The fact that I was getting tired.  I was actually getting tired.  The muscles in my arms were going dead.  Everytime I was close to popping the wizard, my arms would get numb and I’d have to kind of alleviate it by going on my elbows and it would break up my rythhm and the whole thing would get fucked up and I’d have to start from scratch and work my way up again and this went on for hours of torment.  I couldn’t close the deal!!

And then my dick was playing the “let’s shribble up game”.  I had to concentrate in order to stay erect!  I mean really, this girl felt incredible but here I am trying to keep Mr. Steel awake from exhaustion.  Believe that?  I had an accordion penis that wouldn’t play!!

I felt miserable.  Embarrassed.  I acted like I did the manly thing.  Like I wanted to only satisfy her, kind of thing.  Yeah, right.  I was pissed off at myself!  At least I looked good in her eyes but in my own eyes, I was a complete louse.  A herb, a real herb.

I mean, it’s only happened to me before like once or twice or something or other.  Nothing serious that I need to worry about.  I don’t need Viagra or anything like that.  I know that because the following day I saw her again and I handled my business.  I didn’t jerkoff or nothing…I waited until I saw her again, this way I was REALLY ready to go.  You know what I mean? 

And that’s what happened?   TRUST ME, I went.  I reaaaaally went…

“Prenup” (drama) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “Prenup” is about signing a prenuptial agreement before getting married.

Character Description:  In this monologue,  Chester talks to his friend about how his fiance doesn’t want to sign a prenuptial agreement.

CHESTER:

I can’t believe it.  I just can’t believe it.  She refuses to sign a prenuptial agreement.  She says that if I love her she shouldn’t have to sign one.  I told her that if she loved me she would sign one.  I mean she’s gotta be kidding me. 

So we broke it off.  I am not bending.  She will either sign the prenup or else move on in life without me.  Yeah, I love her, I love her to death, she is my world but I worked too damn hard in my life to just piss it all away if her and I don’t work out.

Fifty-eight percent of marriages end in divorce today and it is increasing year by year.  I am not falling into that ditch in my life.  Not going to happen.  Fast forward ten, twenty years even, what if she decides one day that she doesn’t love me anymore?  What do I do then?  Yeah sure, we will try to be amicable but let’s face it, the gloves will come off sooner or later.  I’m not taking that chance.  I can’t take that chance.  I can see her taking me for half my stuff.  I will never let her or any woman for that matter do that to me.

I’ve lived the bachelor life before, I can do it again.  If it is my destiny to be a playboy than so be it.   I don’t mind. 

I will never go back on what I know is right, despite how much I love her.

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