“Theatre Usher” (serio-comedy) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “Theatre Usher” is about an attempted night out at the theatre.

Character Description:  In this monologue, Jack and his girlfriend have arrived late for a play that their actor friend is in.  They are only five minutes late but the theatre usher refuses to let them buy tickets and enter the theatre.

JACK: 

What do you mean we can’t buy tickets?  We are only five minutes late.  Please, please don’t close the doors on us yet.  We traveled an hour to get here and there was traffic and this is just, look, this is her best friend’s show okay, if we don’t get in to see it, we are really going to let her friend down.  Please.  Help us out.  Open the doors, let us buy our tickets and let us watch the show.

What?  We needed to purchase the tickets beforehand?  Listen, if I give you fifty bucks, can you bend the rules? 

(to his girlfriend)

You believe this guy? 

(back to the theatre usher)

Hey pal, it’s not like your job is that important okay.  Do you get your kicks turning people away after the doors close?  You are an usher okay, an usher!  You sit people down.

(to his girlfriend)

I am calm.  This is ridiculous.  I feel like punching this guy in his face.

(to the theatre usher)

Look, I’m sorry for my last comment, it just means alot to my girlfriend to see her friend perform.  You can’t just let us sneak in?  Where are the producers of the show?   I want to speak to them.

(to his girlfriend)

I am calm.  Fine.  We shouldn’t have had sex.  That’s why we are late.  We should have waited baby.  I’m sorry.  It’s my fault, not yours.  Let’s just go. 

(to the theatre usher)

What goes around comes around pal.  I hope when you are moments late for something important, that you get treated with the same kindness you bestowed upon us.  Hope you had your kicks for the night pal.

(to his girlfriend)

Let’s go honey.  We can go grab drinks or something.  I feel horrible.