“Next In Line” episode 2 (comedy) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “Next In Line” is about store courtesy.

Character Description: In this monologue, Lucille verbally abuses customers for no apparent reason.  This is a comedy and meant to be a monologue skit.   It’s as if a retail worker can actually speak there mind, this is what might come out.  The character is a real bitch, full of sarcasm and attitude.  Not someone you would like but it works for the piece written.

*Please check out NEXT IN LINE:  EPISODE 1 

LUCILLE:

NEXT IN LINE!!!

Oh wow.  Now this is really nice.  Is this a holiday gift?  Yeah?  Look at
this.  I didn’t know we sold this here.  Make sure you take the sticker price off
because you don’t want to be caught being such a CHEAP bastard.  I mean come on! Really!  Look at this!  How can you make this purchase?!  You might as well walk out of the store with it.  We really should be giving these items away.  But I guess it’s people like you that make the holiday season such a giving time.

NEXT IN LINE!!!

(Lucille’s Store Manager enters.  Lucille’s demeanor suddenly and drastically
changes to that of an almost innocent catholic school girl)

Hi Mr.  Martin.  Things are going great sir.  How was your lunch break?
Oh yeah?  That’s terrific sir, terrific.  Yes, we are doing really well with
business today.  I might eventually need a cash out because (whispers) we are getting so many BIG BILLS.

(she smiles warmly)

Oh, don’t worry about little ole’ me.  I can handle this big mean line all
by my lonesome.

(she smiles warmly again)

Thank you sir.  I want to do good work for you and this company.  It means
a lot to me.  Maybe it will be my turn for Employee of The Month.

(she laughs ever so softly)

Thank you Mr. Martin for the encouragement.  Okay good, make your rounds.
I’ll see you when you circle back, sir.

(laughs a phony laugh)

We will talk soon…right.

(laughs a phony laugh again)

(to herself)

What a putz…

NEXT IN LINE!!!

Look who we have here.  If it isn’t Mr.  Bling Bling.  Don’t get me all
hot and excited today Mr. Bling Bling.  Those baggy jeans hanging off your ass  and that extra extra large shirt you have on are REALLY a turn on.  Whew
yeah!  You must make all the blind chicks swarm.  It amazes me that you don’t tangle yourself up in knots after walking five feet.  Your mother must be so proud!

Sorry, sorry.  I know I’m bad.  I know.

Anyhoo, what are we purchasing today?  Oooooooh, I see.  JEWELRY!  Boy oh
boy.  We do happen to have a jewelry department in this store.  Yeah, it’s called section poor.  That’s right.  Section, can’t afford REAL jewelry so I gotta come here and make it look like I can section.

HAHAHA

Lighten up!  DON’T SHOOT ME!!!  HAHAHAHA

Is that a ring?  You are actually going to buy an engagement ring from us?
Yeah, your woman will really love you for all eternity, especially after it
cracks off her finger.  The box costs more than the item!  You’re better off  using one of the gum ball machines we have outside. Go ahead, give it a try, I’ll wait right here and then we can compare the two you big spender you.  Let me know if you need a quarter, I can lend it to you and you can make time payments.  What’s good for you, a penny a week?

HAHAHAHAHA I know, Iknow I’m bad, I’m so bad.

NEXT IN LINE!!!

Oh hello little boy.  What can I do for you today?  What dear?  You are
looking for your mom?  Oh, did you lose your mommy?  Yeah?  TOO BAD!!!!  You rotten little munchkin!  You deserve it!  You’ve been abandoned
kid.  Just face it.  Abandoned!  Your mother doesn’t love you.  She never
loved you.  That’s why she’s not with you, because she despised the day she gave  birth to you
and—

Oh, you’re the boys mother.  All is found.

(she smiles sarcastically)

NEXT IN LINE!!!

Hi.  Ready to make your purchase?  Yeah?  You’ve waited on this line long
enough right?  It sucks to be stuck on a line that just never seems to move
forward.  And you feel it happens to only you right?  Am I right?  Well guess what?  I’m taking lunch.  Your ass will now have to wait EVEN LONGER!  Just when you make it to the promised land, (smacks her hands together) you gotta wait even more.  Sucks for you,  I know, I’m depressed for you.  I’ll think of you when I’m outside having a smoke wishing my life would end.

PEACE!

To Read Episode 1:  CLICK HERE

Related posts:

1. “Chasing, Jeremy” (comedy) 1 Minute ShareMORE Teenage Monologues! Photo Courtesy iCHAZ   Let’s Tweet  @JosephArnone Monologues...
2. 60 Female Comedy Monologues Share Photo Courtesy ALAN CLEAVER_2000 Here is a Female Monologue...
3. “Cabbage Patch Memories” (comedy) 2 Minutes Share Photo Courtesy MATT & JANET Monologue Description: ”Cabbage Patch Memories”...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.