“J-O-B” (comedy) 1 Minute

Monologue Description: “J-O-B” is about an Office Manager getting fed up with one of his lazy workers.

Character Description: In this monologue, Paul catches one of his workers sleeping at his desk.

PAUL:

Do your job.  That’s right–JOB.  What’s my job?  Watching you do YOUR job.  That’s my job.

(to staff in the office)

Who here can give me a definition of the word job?  That’s right people, the J-O-B word.  Whose got the answer to my plea?

Dan!

(Dan:  According to freedictionary.com, a job is a regular activity in exchange for payment as ones trade, occupation or profession.)

WRONG!

Helen!  Define job!

(Helen: A job is a task that must be done.)

A task that must be done.  I like that.

I’m going to use a piece from Mr. Al Pacino in the movie Glengarry Glen Ross and it goes something like this, it is eerily appropriate.

“You stupid fucking cunt.  Where did you learn your trade you stupid fucking cunt, you idiot?  Whoever told you that you could work with men?  Anyone in this office lives on his wits.  What your hired for is to help us.  Does that seem clear to you?  To help us, not to fuck us up.  To help men who are going out there to try to earn a living, you fairy!”

(Dan applauds)

I don’t know, I just love that BUT IT APPLIES!

DO YOUR FUCKING JOB OR YOU WILL BE FUCKING FIRED!

Does that seem CLEAR to you Ralph?

Thatta boy.