1st Quarter Monologue Highlights - MonologueBlogger.com

 Hi everyone!  So far it’s been a GREAT year and I would like to thank all of you for continuing to visit MonologueBlogger.com!  Here are some of YOUR favorites, this first quarter of 2008.  Enjoy!

1. Smeared Ink (serio-comedy) Under 1 Minute
2. Crazy Glue (comedy) 1 Minute
3. And Then I Got High (comedy) 1 Minute
4. Save Carnegie Hall (drama) 1 Minute
5. How Am I?  (comedy) 1 Minute
6. Bench Of Salvation (drama) 2 Minutes
7. Know Who You Are (drama) 2-3 Minutes
8. J-O-B (comedy) 1 Minute
9. Bird In My Ass (comedy) 1-2 Minutes
10. Smoke (drama) 1-2 Minutes
11. Empty Pockets, Empty Dreams (drama) 2 Minutes
12. Lenoy (drama) 2 Minutes
13. Sexual Magentism (serio-comedy) 1 Minute
14. Bandanna Boy (serio-comedy) 1 Minute
15. Cigarette Story Book (comedy) 1 Minute
16. Apologize School (serio-comedy) Under 1 Minute
17. Cherralina’s Forty Year Revenge (comedy) 2 Minutes
18. As Fate Would Have You (serio-comedy) 2 Minutes
19. Ryan’s Nose Was Bleeding (drama) 1 Minute
20. GunSmoke (drama) 2 Minutes
21. Magic Genie (serio-comedy) 2 Minutes
22. Two Pops (drama) 1 Minute
23. Drinking, Drugs and—THE REST (drama) 1 Minute
24. The Residue (drama) 1-2 Minutes
25. Bad Memories For Murray (comedy) 2 Minutes
26. Brody At Dusk (drama) 1 Minute
27. Death At Water Tower (drama) 2 Minutes
28. Fire Stench (comedy) 1 Minute
29. What Do I Want In A Woman? (drama) 2 Minutes
30. Get Pumped (comedy) 1 Minute

“WHAT DO I WANT IN A WOMAN?” (drama) 2 Minutes

Photo Courtesy MARTINALANOTTE 

Monologue Description: “WHAT DO I WANT IN A WOMAN?”  is a drama about a mans perspective on what he thinks would make him happy in regards to his “perfect woman”.

Character Description: In this monologue, Chuck is hanging out at a bar with his friends.  One of them, Natasha, asks him about what he desires in a woman.  The following monologue is his answer to her question.

CHUCK: 

(sips from his beer)  What do I want in a woman?  Boy, that’s a question I actually sometimes think about…(to himself)  What do I want in a woman? 

I want a woman that is tiny…haha…petite…haha.  No really, I do but let’s see…A woman who is good hearted, kind and generous.  A woman who will love me for me and not what is in my bank account.  A woman who supports my ambitions wholeheartedly and will back me up when the going gets tough.  I want a woman I can act silly in front of and not worry about how dumb I’m acting.  A woman who I can share intelligent conversations with about all things this world and this life have to offer us.  A woman who is cute in the morning, yet stunning when she dresses up.  A real girl, you know? 

A woman who likes to go out and have fun and also likes movie nights on the couch.  A girl who is always down for spontaneity.  I woman whose inner beauty accentuates her outer beauty.  A woman who is family oriented and comes from a good upbringing.  A woman who is open to new ideas and challenges.  A woman who won’t give up on our happiness when things get tough for us.  A woman who can identify with me and have similar, yet her own, views on life.  A woman I can learn from.  A woman who will always be honest and true to me…a clean girl.   A woman who isn’t afraid to get tough with me and put me in my place.  A woman who is patient with me.  A woman I can treasure and give all of me to, every single day of my life.  A woman who is independent but not scared to depend on me as her man.  A woman that I can always communicate to on all levels.  A woman who can be my best friend.  A woman who can allow me to make mistakes and is willing to grow with me as a team…oh yeah, haha, I want a woman who is classy but yet knows how to get dirty in bed.  haha.

…To be honest, I thought I found her…not too long ago…I thought I had that perfect woman in my life.  I really did but life likes to take you for a spin, doesn’t it?  It truly does.  Lessons you don’t realize you are meant to learn from.  Lessons you don’t wish to learn from but have no choice because it is what is intended for your soul.

I’m not so sure I will find that perfect, special someone…I’m not sure she exists for me.  I won’t lose faith in it but I’m not out trying to find it either.  If it is meant to be, than it will be.

What about you?  What do you want in a man?

“FIRE STENCH” (comedy) 1 Minute

Photo Courtesy BARBARA L. SLAVIN

Monologue Description: “FIRE STENCH” is a comedy about having a girlfriend with bad breath.

Character Description: In this monologue, Ray is talking close up with his girl, when he gets hit with bad breath, AGAIN.  He finally tells her that it’s been haunting him.

RAY:

Wow, again!  How come everytime I talk to you, you have breath?!  No, I’m serious…come on.  Breathe over there, talk over there, I don’t know what the hell it is but you’re killing me.  What did you eat today?  You didn’t eat yet?  Oh man, that’s worse!  That means that’s coming from your insides and—DID you brush your teeth today?  Well, how do you brush, up and down, or circles?  Do you do your tongue and get all the way back there???

Jesus, I mean, no, not for nothing baby but damn.  How am I supposed to kiss you like that?  For like the past month now it’s like you have shit breath.  It’s nasty.  I don’t mean to embarrass you but how much can I take?  It’s like kissing a dogs asshole, if you want to know the truth.  I’m starting to get images of dog ass, when I kiss you.  No, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know that’s harsh but your breath has been harsher!

My fucking eyes are beginning to tear.  Jesus!  Honey, PLEASE, PLEASE do something about that.  I know I sound mean but baby—you know what it reminds me of?  It reminds me of like when you go into an old age home sort of…like that old lady smell.  You know that old lady smell Grandmas get?  Yeah, LIKE THAT! 

Go brush your teeth again, eat something and maybe you should see a doctor baby?  No, really.  I’ll go with you.  You might have something going on.  Nah, for like the past month, you’ve been throwing beatings.  Whenever we talk or kiss, it’s like fire stench.  I could think of some other terms but I think you’re mad enough at me.  hahahaha.

I’m sorry baby, give me a kiss…NO WAIT!  WAIT!  Go brush your teeth first.  hahahaha.  And make sure you scrub that tongue before you kill somebody.  Holy shit!  WOW!!!!

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