“GROUCH” (serio-comic) 1 Minute

Photo Courtesy ATURKUS 

Monologue Description:  “GROUCH” is about a girlfriend doing some of her own complaining at her grouchy boyfriend.

Character Description:  In this monologue, Desi confronts her boyfriend about how annoying he is being with his attitude.  She lets him have it!  She’s tired of his complaining ways.

DESI:

GROUCH!

(she barks like a vicious dog)

Ruff!  Ruff!  Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!

That’s all you do lately.  BARK!  You complain if there isn’t enough sugar in your coffee.  Moan that you can’t find a pair of matching socks in your draw.  Wine about not having enough time to stop at the bank to deposit money.  Bitch about going to work, paying the rent, aggravation with your agent,  (imitates baby crying)  WAAA! WAAA!  WAAA!  You are the definition of a broken Mona Lisa Record!!!

You know what you need?  And don’t say sex because you get plenty of that from me.  YOU NEED A VACATION!  You need to stop being such a crabby old man and take a leave of absence.  PLEASE!  Let’s go away.  Let’s do something.  Let’s have some fun in the sun because your shit is really starting to get to me.

You get all poopy over the slightest things.  SNAP OUT OF IT and realize how great of a life you have.  Life is good!  You’re young, you have a great family, you make good money…you have many projects happening…stop being such a pain in the ass and smile once in awhile.  haha.  Is it that hard…to smile? 

Oh, fuck your agent…tell your agent to leave you alone and stop putting so much damn pressure on you to do this and that.  Your agent is a hermit with no life.  You’re his best client and he needs to lighten up.  Tell him to find a woman or a man, not sure if he’s gay or what but you know what I mean…tell him to BACK OFF! 

Too much.  Really.  It’s too much…take a day off.  Go out and breath some air, you’re beginning to turn pale.  Go out with your friends and get bombed off your ass.  Whatever!  Just go do something, anything but write because you are getting on my nerves.  I love you to death but I can’t live with you if you’re going to be, (imitates him)  “I told you to put two sugars, not one”, “The t.v.’s not working”, “My computer’s fucked up”, “BLA BLA BLA”…. Enough…Baby, enough.  Okay?  Are we clear?  Are we together on this?