“BUD” (comedy) Under 1 Minute

Character Description: In this monologue, Bud talks to his friend about his day at the beach.

BUD: 

(drinking his beer)

Now, let me begin.  Today I was at the beach, right?  And what do I see other than hot girls that I wanna fuck, I see guys that think they are God’s gift to women.  You know those guys who workout at the gym day and night and smell like a giant foot.  Those guys.  Anyways, I’m sitting on the beach, eating my hot dog, drinking my beer and admiring my gut when this muscle bound fag comes over to me and asks me if I want to join a gym.  Turns out he is a trainer and this is how he picks up clients.  I told him I was happy being a bald, fat, heart attack prone man and to leave me alone before I whip out my prick and embarrass him.  Then I went on to tell him how my wife loves to hold onto my love handles when I’m pounding the shit out of her in my king size bed.  The guy got the message and I went for a swim.