“MY KID IS LIKE PACINO” (serio-comedy) 2 Minutes

Kick Ass Photo By ORANGE ACID

Monologue Description: “MY KID IS LIKE PACINO” is a serio-comedy about a father wanting to know if his daughter should be an actress.

Character Description: In this monologue,  Vince talks to his best friend, who happens to be an actor and wants to know if his daughter should go into acting or not.

VINCE: 

Listen Bobby, listen.  I know my wife just spoke to you about the whole acting thing and everything but honestly, now…be completely honest when I ask you this cause I know you’re a good guy and don’t wanna hurt nobody’s feelings but just be straight with me on this now.  My daughter, do you REALLY think that she can be a star?  Now, I know, I know you told my wife she has potential and everything but honestly, honestly Bobby, are you just saying that?

Before you answer though cause, in my opinion, you know, she, my daughter, she’s a little on the chubby side no?  Just a little.  Just a little.  Don’t you think—she’s a little, just a little bit though, not much but don’t you think she’s a little chubby…like she’s still got some baby fat on her?

Now, I don’t know shit about the movie industry.  I don’t know how these things work but I’m always seeing these gorgeous, perfect looking, skinny kids on t.v. and in the movies all the time.  My kid, my Roxana just don’t fit in with that? 

(whispers) So before I go and spend all this fucking money on pictures—what do you call those things again?  HEADSHOTS, right, HEADSHOTS—before I go and spend thousands of dollars on headshots and all this other stuff like classes you mentioned and other things, probably clothes too, cause she’s gotta look a certain way I’m sure.  Before I go and spend a fortune, do you really think it’s worth it cause I don’t want Roxana to get hurt to…thinking that she’s gonna be this big star and than it doesn’t happen for her.  That would crush her and I would be responsible and I don’t want her hurt like that.  Not my kid.  I mean she’s good though.  She just did her school play and she was…oh shit, what’s the name of—

(shouting through the house to his wife)

FRAN!!!  FRAN!!!  Hey FR—  Yeah,  come here.  COME HERE!  (whispers)Yeah, listen, I wanted you to come over her cause I didn’t want to shout.  Roxana would get mad at me but what is the name of the part that she had in that play she just did?  What?  Oh! 

(back to his friend)

She played the Tomato.  Oh wait.

(to his wife, shouting again to be heard)

FRAN!!!  FRA—COME HE!!!  Yeah, didn’t she play something else?  Yeah, she was the tomato and she was, wasn’t she, wasn’t she the rock!  Right, she was also—okay.  When’s dinner?  Fifteen minutes?  What’s taking so long?  Nah, I’m hungry babe, I’m STARVIN”!  Meinga forget about it, I ‘m STARVIN!  Arright, just call me when it’s ready hon.  What?  Why you gotta get wise for?  Next time I WILL cook? 

(back to his friend Bobby)

She always gotta have a mouth my wife I swear to God.  Anyway, that’s right, she was also the rock.  Now, she did a good job my kid.  Not that its difficult to play a tomato or a rock but she was good.  She was good because I never saw such commitment.  She was, what’s the friggin’ word, PASSIONATE.  My kid, I never saw such…she had a passionate face.  Like her old man when I get mad.  hahahaha.  Nah but she was so serious and she really made me believe that she was the character she was playing.  She was good…at one point another kid tripped and fell over her as she was the rock and she never moved.  She never broke her character.  I understand that’s a big thing in acting when the actor doesn’t break character right?  That’s some Pacino shit right there, right?  Who knows maybe she’s got talent.

You want another beer?  You sure?  Have another at dinner.  I’ll get you one more.

Arright, arright enough, what’s your answer.  Does she got the goods or what?  Be honest and don’t lie, truthfully Bobby, truthfully.  You think my kid could be a star?

“TOP 10 MALE COMEDY MONOLOGUES”

Okay, here is a list of some of the funny guy monologues I’ve written.  These were taken based on the current Top 10 MALE COMEDY pageviews at the moment on MB.  Check them out!

1. YO
2. HOWTA BE A GANGSTA
3. CRASH CAB
4. SMEARED INK
5. MAD MIKE
6. HIPPO AND THE DUDE
7. THE SHOULDER TEST
8. PUBLIC HIGH
9. NEAT FREAK
10. SOAP AND WATER

Thanks for digging the monologues and coming back to MonologueBlogger.com!

“MOVING ON” (drama) 2 minutes

Kick Ass Photo By SILVER.AND.GOLD

Monologue Description: “MOVING ON” is a drama about losing someone you love.

Character Description: In this monologue,  Katherine has been in mourning for her husband for the past five years since his death in a tragic car accident.  She talks to her best friend over coffee and cake about her conflict of “moving on”.

KATHERINE: 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I’m not passionate about anything anymore.  I lay around like a lump.  Watching soap operas all day and buying every book that Oprah recommends.  I barely leave the house except to go to work or go grocery shopping.  I don’t see friends, I have no social life.   Ever since Cory died…

(getting upset but fighting it)

Damn it!  I don’t want to get upset!  It’s been five years already.  Five!  I know he must be laughing at me somewhere…He was like that.  I know he wouldn’t want me to mourn for him, especially for five years.  He was the love of my life, what can I say? 

I just can’t believe it.  You know, I try so hard NOT to be a cliche.  Crying all the time, miserable…like a putz.  There are some nights when I go to sleep and I feel him holding me.  I actually feel his arms wrapped around me like he used to…it’s always when I’m in a deep sleep, when I’m too tired to wake up from it.  I don’t want to wake up from it.  It’s so comforting—the worst part is waking up…

Oh listen to me, I am such a moaner.  You know, men approach me all the time.  I get asked out and I can’t bring myself to do it.  I’ve taken off the ring…well, I still wear it sometimes.  Sometimes I wear it.  I try not to but I miss him so much. 

(pause)

I think it’s time I finally move on though.  You see, mentally, I know what I need to do but emotionally, it is the hardest thing.  But you’re right, I need to move forward or else my life is going to pass me right by.  I’m not going to be one of those women who look worn out from mourning.  Die alone…no. 

I need your help in taking the first big step into my new life.

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