“HIDING OUT” (serio-comedy) 3 Minutes

Filed Under 3 Minute Monologues, Female Monologues - Serio/Comic, Monologues |

Monologue Description: “HIDING OUT” is a serio-comedy about thinking you know someone, when in actuality…YOU DON’T.

Character Description: In this monologue, Audra tells her friend Adrienne that the guy she was seeing had a girlfriend, unbeknownst to her

AUDRA:

The—errrr! I can’t even say his name! BRIAN!!! There, I said it.

(let’s out a steam of air)

I don’t know why I did this but I did it and now I regret it cause I look stupid but I’m good hearted and I did it because I felt bad, even though I now look like a giant imbecile!

(let’s out a steam of air)

Okay, so, obviously you know I’ve been dating Brian…it’s been like a month and we, well, I thought we were on our way to, you know, becoming boyfriend and girlfriend and all that…I mean, it just felt like that was the direction we were going in…I don’t know…this is like a nightmare!

(let’s out a steam of air)

So, I was REALLY mistaken! You will never believe this Adrienne. NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! I still don’t…I’ve been staying over his place recently and aw hell…let me just blurt it out!

HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!

The son of a–bas—piece of—I just wanna kil—HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND ADRIENNE!!!

(she growls)

Can you believe it? Can you? Can you believe this? This is—I’m the moron, ME. Right here! (raises he hand) MORON! It was this morning, I stayed over his place again last night and then there was a ring, his doorbell rang…We were both in the bedroom and he got up and looked out his front window and he came running back into the bedroom, WHITE…he looked pale, milky white, SICK! I asked him what was wrong and he just bluntly said, “MY GIRLFRIEND! My girlfriend is here!”

I was like, “YOUR GIRLFRIEND?! WHAT?”

And he was like, “Yeah”

And I was like, “WHAT?!”

And he was like, “YEAH!”

And then he asked me to hide in his bureau closet…AND I WAS SO SCARED FOR HIM THAT I DID! There I am in my thong only, squatting in a small bureau and he begins throwing all my shit, my clothes, my pocket book, my shoes—hit me in the forehead–look, I have a bruise! And now I’m in this closet with all my stuff and I here her come into the apartment and she’s shouting , “Where is she?” Where is she?” And she sounded mean, I mean MEAN. I started shaking I was so scared. My heart was pounding. I hear her searching the place and he begins arguing with her and they get into this major fight and she leaves.

He comes back and I quickly get dressed. I told him what a scumbag he was and I left but then, when I went outside she was there waiting for me. And she grabbed my hair and starts spinning me around and around on the sidewalk…there were neighbors outside and they all got involved, pulling us apart. The bitch kicked me in the side of my rib and all I could do was cry. I didn’t know what the hell was going on.

I ran to my car, I was so ashamed and humiliated and I just wanted to die.

Can you believe this? This, this, this—NIGHTMARE!!!