“ANTS IN YOUR PANTS” (drama) 1 Minute

Photo Courtesy SABRINA CAMPAGNA

Monologue Description: “ANTS IN YOUR PANTS” is a drama about running from the cops.

Character Description: In this monologue, Sam is the older out of the two men who are trying to outrun the law. The two men hide amongst the bushes, trees and dirt in order to prevent the cops search light from seeing them.

SAM:

(whispering rapidly)

Shhhh…stop moving around like a dumbass…you got ants in your pants? Then stop fidgeting!

(pause)

Shh! Shh—

(something passes by as Sam closes his eyes)

(he slowly opens them wide, searching around wildly with his pupils)

(to the other guy)

Just stay put…don’t get excited…they’ll be back…what are you doing? I told you to stop moving! Think like a lizard, think like a lizard! Stay put because they are probably circling around…let’s wait–we wait until—shhh, see, here they come again…don’t move!

(Sam closes his eyes again as something passes by)

Jes’, I held my breath that time..give it another minute and then we’ll—

What?

They didn’t see you. If they saw you, they would have approached us.

(staring at the other guy)

You alright? HEY, listen to me…get focused, are you alright?

Okay.

(beat–looks around)

Here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m gonna stand up and YOU are going to follow me out the back way. Ya hear? Calm and slowly…that’s it. Calm and slowly. If something happens, if something goes wrong, just follow my lead. Okay?

Alright—let’s go.