“THE HERB” (comedy) 2 Minutes

Kick Ass Photo By TENGIS

Monologue Description: “THE HERB” is about a guy in a club, who has no game with women.

Character Description: In this monologue, The Herb attempts picking up various girls…with no luck—because, he’s a herb.

HERB:

Hi…my name is Brian…how are you doing tonight? Oh yeah? Having a good time? Yeah, this place is cool…never been here before, not bad. How about you? Have you been here before? Oh, you have…oh, what? Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see your boyfr—sure, no problem, have a good night.

(back to his boys)

Yeah man, SEE, I told you, I told you she had a boyfriend! Now I look like an ass bro. Wha? Wha?! No man, one of YOU go, you go talk to that girl over there. You guys always gotta push me into it, I know how to talk to girls, let me just talk to them on my own time.

(beat)

Which girl? Who her?! Yeah, she’s–oh shit, she just smiled g. Alright, alright, I got this…I got this one.

(walks up to the girl)

Hey, what’s up? What are you drinking? Margarita? Oh, it’s full. hahaha. Nah, I was gonna buy you a drink…ummmm, are you here with friends? Oh yeah? Cool, cool. Me? Oh, yeah, I’m just chilling with some friends of mine. Yeah.

(he doesn’t know what to say and just stares at the girl like a herb)

Hey, I’ll come find you and maybe we can dance later or something? What’s your name? Dala? Okay, I’m herb, I mean I’m Brian. Yeah, Brian…okay cool. Later.

(back to his boys)

What? See? I told you…yeah, she wants to dance, gonna dance with her later. She was just drinking. Yeah, she was drinking a Margarita or some shit. When she’s done and oh wait…

(the girl Brian just spoke to puts her drink down and walks onto the dance floor with another guy)

(to his friends)

After she dances with that guy. Yeah, when they are done, she’s gonna dance with me–drinks? I need a drink. Let’s get a drink. A shot…