“BITCH, YOU CRAZY” (serio-comedy) 1 Minute

Photo By ROCHELLE

Monologue Description: “BITCH, YOU CRAZY” is about dating crazy people.

Character Description: In this monologue, Lenny tells his friend a story of how he broke it off with a girl he was seeing because she threatened him. Lenny speaks with bad English. He has a poor education and comes from the school of street thought.

LENNY:

I looked at her and was like, BITCH, YOU CRAZY. That’s what I said. I tol her, girl you one crazy ass bitch. Than she looked at me and tol’ me she was gonna stab me with the butcher knife. I tol her, I said, BITCH, GO GET THE MOTHERFUCKING KNIFE. Stab me, stab me please. But just know I gonna kill you right after that, so you better stab me good. I be pulling that blade outta me and I go crazy on her like that Mitsurugi guy in Soul Caliber.

WAAA! WAAAA! WAAA!

Then what happened? Then the bitch asked me to leave. I tol’ her, I leave when you give me my hat. I wanted my hat, my Grandaddy gave me that hat and I wanted my hat. Bitch tells me to wait outside, I said, OUTSIDE? Bitch you crazy. Outside? Give me my hat?!

Than she say she gonna call the po po. I told her, CALL THE POLICE BITCH, by the time they get here, you be dead anyway…now go get my motherfuckin’ hat!

So she called her Uncle Tom Tom next door. This big Irish guy, always drunk as a skunk and I sat there and waited. Uncle Drunk Skunk comes stumbling in two minutes later and he’s wearing my fucking hat! I said bitch, Uncle Drunk Skunk be wearing my hat!

Next thing that happens is the big Irishman passes out. He went to throw a punch at me, missed , fell on the couch and passed out. I grabbed my hat and was on my way.

What a joke man…crazy ass bitch…