“The Devil’s Ocean Of Souls” (drama) Under 1 Minute

 

Monologue Description: “The Devil’s Ocean Of Souls” is about suicide.

Character Description:In this monologue, GENEVA talks out-loud on top of a cliff.

Geneva:

I don’t feel anything good anymore.  All the hurt I’ve suffered…there is nothing left.  I’ve had love ripped out from my heart from all walks of my life…from my lovers, my friends and my family. 

My insides have rotted away the beauty that I once believed in. 

Forgiveness?  Not anymore.  What was once a key that kept us all bound has now been thrown away into the devil’s ocean of souls.  I sit on top of this cliff peering down, waiting to take my final plunge into his laughter.

(looking down)

Who will give me the final push?  YOU?  IS IT YOU?!  IS IT ME?!

Goddammit!!!!!!!!!

 

“Upon My Return” (comedy) 1 Minute

Photo Courtesy KRIS DECURTIS

Monologue Description: “UPON MY RETURN” is a comedy sketch based on old nobility in England hundreds of years ago.  What if there was a Burger King?

Character Description: In this monologue, Sir Walter Walter speaks to his Lord about killing captured defiers of the throne and stopping afterwards for some Burger King.  Sir Walter Walter speaks in an extremely dramatic, raspy voice, as if he is a horrible actor from a terrible Shakespeare rendition.  Everything he does in this piece is as if he is performing Hamlet before the Queen.

SIR WALTER WALTER THE THIRD:

It is TIME, my Lord.  What shall I do with the others?  Shall I slay them?  Much obliged.  My Lord, may I ask you something?  ’Twas wondering if you would be so kind as to permit me to stop in the town of WhiffleBerry for some Burger King.  Yes.  (beat) Yes.  (beat)  Yes, my Lord.  I would be honored to bring you back a WHOPPER.  Chicken fingers, you say?  Yes, my Lord.  What about a coke?  Diet?  Sure thing.  Is that all my Lord?  Good day to you.  I will kill the wrong doers and be off to Burger King!  I bid you goodbye my Lord.  (barely able to contain himself) HELL YEAH BOY!!!!  (clears his throat)  ’Scuse me my Lord, a tickle in mee throat.

Upon my return.

“NOT COOL, IS COOL” (comedy) 2 Minutes

Photo Courtesy SAID AND DONE

Monologue Description: “NOT COOL” is a comedy about a man who finally faces the reality of growing up.

Character Description: In this monologue, BARRY talks to his best friend AMLIN (woman) during his transition from boy to man.

BARRY:

(he gestures with his hands in preparation of what he is about to say)

….I’ve come to realize that I am no longer cool. There, I said it. I’m not cool. Whew! It actually feels good to say. hahaha. I’m not cool! haha.  I AM NOT COOL!!! Aaaaaahhhhhhh…it’s like a burden has been lifted off my back!

(sighs)

Wow! Who ever thought that admitting the truth, or I should say, owning up to the truth can be so liberating, so freeing?  All the pressure I’ve had on my self all these years…to finally come out and say it. MAN OH MAN! I have not been cool for YEARS! I have—it’s been, jes’, it’s been something like seven years that I’ve not been cool. SEVEN YEARS! HAHAHAHA!!!!!

This is GRRREEAAATTTT! This is so uplifting! What else? What else? Is there anything else? Maybe there isn’t or at least there isn’t anything as big as not being cool. haha.

I’m still acting like I am twenty five years old. DOING things that twenty five year olds do. NEVER growing up! it’s time I grow up. Right?  It’s okay to be a herb. No, no, I’m not trying to be funny…IT IS. It’s okay to be a regular guy. A regular Joe Shmoe. I need to get married! I need to buy a house! I need to have kids! Holy sh–I need to, I need to do this yesterday!

My God, it’s all hitting me at once. No more drugs, no more drinking, no more womanizing…eeeeeeeeeew that’s gonna hurt, the women—that’s a tough one right there.

(clenches his fists)

Okay, okay, the women, no no, YEAH, YEAH…no more. I need to settle down. Settle down, and do what everybody else does. Work a solid nine to fiver, be a family man, attend all the weddings and funerals and whatevers that adult people do…yeah, mow the lawn…start a garden…watch the home cooking network, is there a home cooking network? I’ll stay in bed with my wife and talk about husbandy and wifey thingies…I’ll have a catch with my son. HECK, TWO sons…why not, why not? A daughter…just one cause I don’t want to deal with–well, no, my wife…eh, whatever, as many children as long as they are healthy, right? OKAY, OOOOOOOOOOOKAY, this is great, this is better than great…this is FABULOUS! That’s me, THIS is me…THIS IS THE NEW ME!

(pause)

I feel sick. What? More like nausea, I feel nauseous…whew! hot flashes now…haha…I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m fine, I’m ffff—-oh God, I feel–I need to sit. I do, I do. I gotta sit down. (he sits) Wow, I’m breaking out into a sweat here. hahaha. Who knew being uncool could be so much fun? hahahahaha (his laughter slowly turns into crying) ah ah ah haaaaaaaaaaaa——-AAAAAAHHHH AAAAAHHHHH AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Oh God, why? Why do I have to be old? This is cruel! SOOOO SOOOO cruel!  I want to be young and fun and hip and bad and nasty with the ladies. Why no more? Why do I have to grow up? Why? Because society says that a middle aged man should—WHAT? Don’t look at me that way! I am middle aged…closer to middle aged.  Happy?

Oh! FINE!

(he stands up)

I’m alright! I’ll stop whining. I’ll be a man. I AM A MAN but you know what I mean. I’ll grow up. (he gags) Oh…I’ll do it….I’ll grow up. (he gags TWICE more)

Okay, okay. (puts his hands up) I’m here, I am ready. I am now.

I am cool to be uncool.  Amen.

(beat)

I need a drink!  Just joking, just joking…relax.

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