“Metropolis Exterminating, Inc” (comedy) 1-2 Minutes

Monologue Description: “Metropolis Exterminating, Inc” is a comedy about a Bangladesh restaurant owner.

Character Description: In this monologue, Ayurda carefully explains to his exterminator the problems he has been facing in his restaurant regarding roaches and rats.  Ayurda speaks with an obvious accent.

AYURDA:

Look, look!  You see this fucking shit…you see the roaches running…LOOK!  LOOK!  I don’t know why…shit….look at this, look.  Shit.  Please boss, put it all in here.  Please!  Please!  I can’t.  This is, I don’t know why this is.  Yes, there too.  There!  Put under the neath (meaning underneath)  Yes Boss!  Please Boss.  Under the neath here.  Oh!  And over here, come let me show you.  

(beat)

You see this, here?  Under the neath here too.  Please Boss, please.  Oh God, this fuckin shit. Blow up the whole place my friend.  Bomb the shit out of the fuckers.  I want you to bomb everywhere.  Everything!  Spray here, here, here, there.  Oh!  And the wood my friend.  Spray all over the wood and BEHIND.  Yes!  Please Boss.  Spray BEHIND the wood too.

I don’t know why.  Health board inspector come.  Son of bitch!!!  Now I must go to court Friday.  Son of bitch!!!  Fucking shit man.  They don’t care.  Try to make business.  They don’t care.  He look at everything my friend.  WITH FLASHLIGHT!  Looking under the neath there, under the neath here.  Everywhere!  Son of bitch!!!

Okay?  You do good job okay Boss. Please!  Please Boss!  Here, there, you know, I don’t have to say…thank you Boss.  Thank you!  Thank you!

(beat)

Oh!  Wait, one more thing my friend.  The rat.  I saw liiiiiiitle small fucking rat running.  Come I show you.  

(beat)

Over here, you see that?  Is that shit?  What is that?  Shit?  Son of bitch!!!!!!  Inspector see that I’m screwed my friend.  Yes!  Please, put poison down for the rat.  Fuckin’ rat!  Fuckin’ shit!  Kill them all!!

I don’t know why.  Thank you Boss.  Thank you.  I leave you now.  I let you work.  Thank you. Thank you!

Too much stress.  Where’s my bong?

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