“Lounge Chair Dreams” (comedy) 2 Minutes

March 8, 2009 by The Monologue Blogger

Filed under 2 Minute Monologues, MB Library, Male Monologues - Serio/Comic

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Monologue Description: “LOUNGE CHAIR DREAMS” is about a sexual dream that doesn’t make sense to the man who dreamed it. How do you like them apples?

Character Description: In this monologue, Ze Zu talks to his friend about a weird ass dream he had the night before with a heavy set woman. WAAAAZAAA!

ZE ZU:

I had a fucked up dream last night. Check it out, check it out…seriously. First off, let me just say that I don’t have nothing against fat chicks…I just wouldn’t sleep with them. Preference. Okay, now, my dream.

I was walking alongside a path to a side of a house. This path led me to an outdoor pool in a backyard and there was this—must have been, a four, five hundred pound woman sleeping in a lounge chair, catching a tan. Now, I don’t know why but for some reason I didn’t want her to know I was there but yet, I wanted to go for a swim in the pool.

So, another thing that was weird was that I got completely undressed. I was completely bare ass and I snuck myself quietly into the pool. I felt at ease, swimming back and forth a few times across the length of the pool and it felt great. I felt really good but then…then I realized that the big woman noticed me and before I could get out of the pool she dove in the water and was right in front of me.

So, she then grabs me, like we were a couple. She grabs me like around the waste and I felt like I was the girl because she was so big and SHE was naked! SHE WAS NAKED TOO! She pinned me against a corner of the pool and I was helpless! But here’s the thing…I LIKED IT. She had the greatest set of tits I ever saw. I’m talking plump, firm, well shaped titties. And I remember I was getting hard. And SHE KNEW I was getting hard and she was like, “Do you like that baby?” ”Do you like that?” And she was rubbing up and down my body.

I was uncomfortable because I realized I was attracted to this fat girl. The next thing I know, we were back by the lounge chair together and we started getting freaky. We started doing things sexually to one another and then I woke up to a cold breeze in my bedroom and I was like, “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?”

So then I roll over to the right of me and I see the same fat chick resting next to me that was in my dream!!! Dude, the girl in my dream was a reality! I let out a cry. More like a yelp but it was as if my heart was trying to come out of my mouth. She opened her eyes and in a HUSKY voice was like, “HI BIG BOY!” I just started crying.

And I woke up again! The first thing I did was look to the right of me and she wasn’t there but then, I heard something in my kitchen. I heard pots and pans and shit. I kept repeating to myself, “Oh God, Oh God, Oh God”. So I slowly crept my way towards to my kitchen and THERE SHE WAS! She was wearing nothing but a thong and she was cooking breakfast. Without turning around, in that HUSKY voice of hers, she was like, “HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS BIG BOY?”

Then I woke up again and I had a bottle of gatorade next to me and I poured that shit all over my face but this time I was really REALLY awake.

So today, everywhere I go, I’m on pins and needles because I keep thinking that the fat chick is gonna surprise me and dog leash my ass or something.

I’m living in fear man.