“Bar Of Soap” (serio-comedy) 2 Minutes

May 12, 2009 by The Monologue Blogger

Filed under 2 Minute Monologues, MB Library, Male Monologues - Serio/Comic

Photo Courtesy SCHOSCHIE

Monologue Description: ”Bar Of Soap” is a serio-comedy about someone else using your bar of soap and leaving a few pubic friends to keep you company.

Character Description: Marcel talks to one of his close friends about how his roommate’s girlfriend has been using his bar of soap and how it pisses him off.

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MARCEL:

—So he’s got his girlfriend, soon to be wife, staying at our place. And, I’m cool, yea, you know, whatever, right? So, guess what she does?

About a week into her stay, I go in the shower, turn on the faucet and whatever and I look over, into my bar of soap and I see these little, these little twisty pubic hairs. And—they don’t look like MINE and I’m like, Naaaaaaaah—she’s using my bar of soap!

So—I zero in to the bar of soap and my eyeballs zoom in on the pubes, HER pubes—all squiggly and wiggly and embedded in my bar of soap!

(he breathes hard for a few breathes, trying to compose himself)

Yeah, so—I took my tweezers, I picked out all the pubes my naked eye could see and then I kinda just ran hot water from THE SPOUT and gave it a flip and once I did both sides real good—I picked it up and used it—still used it—now, maybe most men would just throw out the bar of soap—maybe most men wouldn’t—maybe most men would just pick out the pubes, give the bar of soap a rinsy rinse and just use that bitch—still, maybe most men would leave the bar of soap in the tub and reach out for a fresh one—maybe, just maybe, most men simply don’t give a shit and will grab it, use it—maybe most men wouldn’t even NOTICE IT!

(sighs)

Who knows? I’m thinking about telling her…in a nice way. Something like, “Hey uh, I think you used my bar of soap”, type of comment and see how she responds to it. We’ll see, we’ll see…

She’s a slob though. Dishes piled up in the sink, clothes scattered around the entire house. Over chairs, on the floor…I even found a pair of her underwear’s, WET, dangling out of the back window…in my room because Mikey’s window is permanently locked shut. That’s weird, right?

And she makes no apologies…it’s like this is who she is, this is her way of living, not caring about coming into someone else’s domain, just living the way she chooses to live…caring less, or not caring at all, really.

Maybe I should have a talk with her. You know? Talk with her about all this…or better yet, I should talk to Mikey, tell him his girl is cramping my style. In a nice way. Hopefully he won’t get nasty about it. Cause I’ll be pissed off.

(beat)

She is kind of hot though…eh, but I shouldn’t think like that…she just needs to stay out of my way.

We need to work something out here.