“Manly Cigar” (serio-comedy) 2 Minutes

 

Photo Courtesy Ry Awesome

 

CHARLIE:  First time I ever had a cigar, I was eight years old.  Believe it or not, it was with my old man.  It was at a time in my life when I was reaching my oats.  Ha!  Started getting into trouble and rough housing around the neighborhood.  I got into a brawl that caused me to have a black eye and my father, when he came home from work, looked me over and brought me outside to the back porch.  I sat in one chair, he sat in the other and he looked into my eyes and said, “So, you wanta be a man?”  My father had that off the boat Italian accent.  I said, “I am a man, pop!”  My father pulled out two thick ass cigars.  He cut off the tips of them, lit them both and handed me one.  He said, “Since you ara man, smoke a this with a me because a men smoka cigars”.  So I stood there with my father, some fifteen minutes of hell because my lungs were on fire and I thought I was going to cough them out!  I must have turned green, blue, orange, red, God knows, fifty colors at least and the whole time my father is staring at me stone statue, like he always did.  I was determined to get through the cigar because if I didn’t then that meant I wasn’t a man and I had to show face in front of my father.  Ha-ha-ha!  So, it turns out I finished my cigar and I was as light headed as one can be and my father put his hands on my shoulders; big muscular workman’s hands, the kind of hands that could crush you into an accordion and he says, he says, “Charlie, nowa that you ara man, you get to go to work.”  And with that, I began working for my old man, first job I ever had, doing demolition construction.  I lasted one day when finally my father pulled me aside and asked me if I still wanted to be a man.  I told him, “Not yet”.  He laughed so loud and hard and all the other construction workers burst into laughter and I realized that I had a lot of growing up to do.  It served me right and it was a good lesson.  I’ll never forget that.  Eh, was the one time me and my old man had some kind of…eh, I don’t know…something.

“Mama Sita, Ma Bahama” (serio-comedy) 1 Minute

Photo Courtesy CHRIS METCALF

 

(stares fuzzily at young Spanish girl)

DRUNKEN MAN:   …you don’t remember me? Remember me? (beat) Had my hair down to here. (gestures mid-way down his chest) Looooooong hair. I got a haircut! Ya don’t recognize me?! You gave me a freeeee pizzaaaa. (beat) I came in to see you…(smiles) What? (beat) Yeah, long hair…you reMEMBER?

(ecstatic) MAMA SITA, MA BAHAMA!!!! (beat) I knew you would! I knew you could! ha-haaaaaa! Well I’m, I just wanted to come in to see ya…Ooooookay.

(he turns and leaves)

“Reserve” (drama) Under 1 Minute

Photo Courtesy Jonathan D. Blundell

 

SAM: …every man has that extra something that
oughta kick in when the tank runs
outta gas…RESERVE; gotta know
how to tap into it, cause it’s there.  
Ain’t nobody no how gonna teach you
about your own mechanism; up to
you to find out—but it’s there,
it exists; you can bet your ass
it’s there.  That’s about the only
thing I can guarantee you; the
rest is up to you…

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