“Killing You” (dark humor/drama) 1-2 Minutes

Photo Courtesy Mugley

 

KILLER: You might be wondering why I haven’t killed you yet…I’m actually wondering that as well.  Not so sure.  Usually I just do it.  Takes less than a second.  Then it’s forgotten in the next. 

(pause.)

With you, it’s different.  Don’t know why.  I just don’t know why. (beat)  Why?  Why can’t I kill you?  I have no feelings for you whatsoever.  I don’t know you.  We’ve never met.  So strange. 

I guess even the greats have an off night.  Maybe this is my off night.  Maybe.

(pause.)

Should I let you go?  What’s the point?  What do you think?  Should I let you live? 

(pause.)

Yeah?  You think you should live?  I should just let you walk right out of here…Well, that’s something to be hopeful about isn’t it?  Yeah, yeah it is.  Some psycho was about to kill you and then lets you go.  Ha!  What a story you can tell your friends.  Amazing stuff right there.  Don’t you think?

(pause.)

But I have to kill you.  No, no.  Relax.  I do.  I do because it’s what I’m supposed to do.  Even when an athlete is having an off night, he still performs.  I have to perform.  I’m not so sure I could live with myself if I don’t perform.  Letting you go doesn’t make me the star player that I believe myself to be.  (beat)  You understand, right?  I mean it sucks, for you, that I’m gonna kill you now but I’m sure there’s a part of you that understands; even if it’s the tiniest part.

(beat)

Well, I usually forget these things but I think this time around I will definitely remember you.  Take care.

“The Scrambled Idiot” – episode 2

Photo Courtesy Turtle Mom 4 Bacon

The Scrambled Idiot:  You ever shit in the dark?  I have.  No, really, I have.  The lights in my apartment have been turned off and I’ve been too damn lazy to get one of those battery powered lights.  Instead I dug up some old candles and rested one of them on the sink.  When I leaned over to wipe my ass, my Goddamn shoulder caught fire and the next thing I know I am flipping and waving around on the toilet bowl like an asshole.  I could have sworn my cat Henrietta laughed outloud for a second while I was in my death throws.  Finally I flew off the bowl and dove into Henrietta’s cat litter box to put out the flames.  Crashed my head right into the tub and knocked myself out for God knows how long.  Woke up smelling of cat shit and my forehead had a bump on it the size of an orange.  (sighs)  Eh, at least I didn’t die from fire but the next morning when I woke up and there was enough light in my bathroom from the sun, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that I had no fucking left eye brow.  I was like, “Are you fucking kidding me, DUDE?!”  And then Henri did laugh at me and I chased her down the stairs.  (pause.)  I refuse to go outside.  I look like a complete idiot.  I had my girl come over to bring me that mascara or whatever it’s called, not mascara, that other stuff women use, the uh, the eye liner stuff.  YEAH!  We tried to pencil in what could pass for an eye brow but instead I looked like some confused half assed Drag Queen.  (beat)  I guess I gotta let that shit grow back.  What can I do man?

8 Dramas, 2 Tragedys For Men – Monologues

10 Monologues for Men - Add Me on Facebook

1. Open Relationship (drama) 1 Minute – what happens when you learn you’ve been given a disease by the person you’ve been dating?
2. A Walk In The Sun (drama) 1 Minute - you’re a vampire (go figure) and the woman you love is human…do you give her the immortal bite?
3. Suffocation (drama) 1-2 Minutes – what do you do when life pressures your sanity?
4. The Unexplained (drama) 1 Minute – who the hell are you anyway?
5. The Monologue Sonatas – economic life beat of our times…where do you stand?
6. Sculpture of a Goddess (tragic-verse) 2-3 Minutes - ever have lust/love for someone you could have been with but chose otherwise?
7. Tip Of Your Flame (drama) 1 Minute – when your significant other HATES you.
8. I Knew.  He Knew.  (drama) 2 Minutes – a man looks back on the last memory he had with his father.
9. One (tragedy) 1 Minute – how important is one life?
10. The Shape of I (drama) 2 Minutes – has man evolved as much as he thinks he has?

 

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