“DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT” (comedy) 1 Minute

Photo Courtesy BADLOGIK

*Monologue Written by Joseph Arnone and Benjamin Necci also known as Kung Fu Woo Lin Chun A Dean!

Monologue Description: “DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT” is a comedy or errors.

Character Description: In this monologue,T.J tells his friend a humorous story about wearing a condom.

T.J:

I got a funny story for ya.  This happened a while back…I was banging out this grl, I don’t know if you ever met her.  Janet.  You ever meet Janet?  Eh, whatever, I think you met her, I think you met her before, so I’m banging her out, right?  I got my mother calling me upstairs about some shit and my phone keeps ringing cause my friend is outside waiting for me…we were gonna hit the gym.  So I wanted to get mine with Janet before I broke out.

So FINALLY, finally I get off and I zipper up real quick and I’m like, “Okay baby, I gotta split, I’ll call you later or whatever.”  Right?  Right?   

So me and my boy hit the gym.   And yo, I’m having the sickest work out.  I’m benching mad weight, just killing it, killing it all day like an animal, a fucking BEAR.  

(imitates himself as a bear lifting heavyweight)  

BRAAAAH!  BRAAAHH!!!  BRAAAAHHHH!!!!!   All day long man, but…every so often my dick and my balls would get mad itchy.  MAD itchy!  And I couldn’t get a good scratch in because you know, you’re in a gym and you don’t want other people watching you rub your balls fifty freaking times.  So….so anyway, I felt great but the itch kept getting worse and worse and worse and it got to the point where I had to leave my workout and go see what was up.   

I get into the locker room, I pull down my shorts, I look down…I STILL HAD THE CONDOM ON!