“Pumped Up” (serio-comic) Under 1 Minute

Photo Courtesy Aaron Brothers

RAMONE:  SICK of hearing your shit man.  Always getting yourself pumped up for what you are gonna do and you end up lounging on the couch, flipping channels.  Don’t you get sick of hearing yourself all the time?  I see you once a week and I get sick of you, how do you stand yourself? (beat)  Always talking about the paintings you’re gonna paint and WHERE ARE THEY?  You finished two paintings since I know you in five years bro!  Don’t talk to me about reading and studying and going to museums.  DUDE, you’re forty-two years old and you’re still living home with Mommy.  You got no job!  No girl!  You smell like ass!  Bro, come on man!  GET A LIFE!

“Twenty Sweaty Mexican Men” (serio-comedy) 2 Minutes

Photo Courtesy Eva The Weaver

The Adventurer:  But WHY?  Why did her violet eyes match the color of the sky?  She must have been six years old and wore a yellow dress with mirrors dangling from the bottom; the shape of animals.  The sun was bouncing off the elephant, the lion, the bear and the bird—right into my eyes, causing a warm sensation in my brain.

Violet eyes ran off.  I followed her down a long cobble stone street, which led me to an old fashioned Western movie styled bar.  I swung both wooden doors wide open as I stepped in and was met with about twenty sweaty Mexican men.  (beat)  These men made the skin on my neck peel back and my eyes open wide…felt like, at any second I was going to be stabbed or shot.  Just as I had that thought, a tiny man working behind the bar counter asked me, “What you doing here, GRINGO?”  I blinked to try to come up with an answer…all I could utter was, “Beer”. 

“Then sit down and Charla will bring you, BEER.  hahahaha”, the tiny bartender said.

“Thanks” I said as I sat down and realized I took another step further into Mexican shit. 

Then she came over.  This absolute stunning and I mean stunning woman.  I didn’t know what to look at first, her breasts, her mouth, her walk, here mane of hair…her, her…she was the whole package floating towards me like an Angel.  When she reached my table, she slammed a beer down and said, “Here’s your fucking beer asshole.”  Then she spat on me and walked away.  I didn’t know if I should watch her ass or the spit frozen on my shoulder.  I didn’t care much for the spit but I did care about the cockroach wiggling its tentacles on top of my beer.  I looked up and took in the atmosphere and sure enough, EVERYONE was watching my next move, with humongous smiles upon their round faces.  Sometimes in life, you need to get crazy and so I took the roach, stuck it in my mouth and chewed the crunchy goo that oozed itself around my tongue.

After dryly swallowing the insect, I grew in confidence and slowly stared into the eyes of the twenty sweaty Mexican men.  I took my beer and in one full gulp, drained the liquid inside.  “Ahhhhh”, I said.  I slammed a few bucks on the table, got up and walked out of the bar calmly.

Walking away I kept wondering where the hell that yellow dressed girl with the violet eyes disappeared to.  Was she the daughter of the sexy waitress?  Hmmm, I don’t know.

“Tumble Down Dublin” (serio-comedy) Under 1 Minute

Photo Courtesy MCGARRY

 

DRAKE: Anywhere, really—yes, anywhere; Rome, France, London, Ireland; would really like to go to Ireland some day; I don’t know, perhaps it’s the gorgeous green mountain tops and the fact that I could tumble down them, drunk off my ass.  Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, yeah, Ireland—DUBLIN would be cool.  Fucking love Irish people, they’re the best.  One of my brothers is Irish, which makes me one percent Irish—if I ever go to Ireland, gonna bring him back something special—he’s never been…we don’t talk as much but, I don’t know…I’d bring him back something…that’s how we do…

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