Flycatcher

In this monologue,  Anna talks to her girlfriend about a humorous story regarding her and a fly.

ANNA: Check this out.  I’m on my way to go meet Dave for lunch today and while I’m walking to the restaurant, I feel something fly in my mouth.  Hit me directly in the back of my throat.  So now I’m on the sidewalk coughing and gagging and humiliating myself because I feel this fly buzzing around the inside of my mouth!

I’m letting out little short screams and I must have looked like a mad woman to people watching.  I was never so embarrassed!

Finally I don’t feel the fly anymore and I calm myself down and I enter the restaurant.  I see Dave and I look at him to see if he saw me outside flipping around but he didn’t.  I wasn’t about to tell him what happened.  I was humiliated enough.

We order our food and Dave says something funny so I start laughing away but I notice a strange expression on his face.  I stop laughing and ask him what’s up.  He tells me that I have something in front of my two front teeth.  Something black!

Now I panic and I fuss around in my bag and dig out my mirror and I look at my teeth and I don’t see anything.  I say where???

He tells me that it looked like a giant fly was over my front tooth.  So I go back to the mirror and I’m swishing around my tongue this way and that way.  I grab my glass of water and I swish it around my mouth.  I show him my teeth again and he starts cracking up hysterical!

I ask him what the hell is so funny and he tells me that he saw me outside!!!  HAHAHA.  He said that he watched me in awe and that my reaction to regain self-control was priceless.  He said that he just had to bust my chops!

Hahaha.  It was worth it.  We had a great laugh about it all and I was humiliated all over again….oh boy, oh boy…

Joseph Arnone

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