In this monologue, VIC is a real life gangster who has created his own personal YOUTUBE CHANNEL, giving lessons to people on how they can be more gangster like. Vic takes his video series very seriously and with great passion.
VIC: Hello and WELCOME to “HOWTA BE A GANGSTA”…I’m your host VIC BOOMBATS! (pronounced BOOM-BAATS)
(Vic speaks with heavy New Yaaaawk accent and talks directly to the video camera)
OKAY, lisn up cauz, I’m gonna show ya for tadays lesson, howta pipe sombody up. Arright? Here we go…
(Vic picks up a pipe and walks over to a plastic dummy)
Ya see dis dummy ova here? Now pay attention. When ya hold the pipe, ya gotta hold it wit control, you gotta get a firm grip on da thing or else from da pressure upon impact, you are liable to lose ya hold and dats not a good thing. Not a good thing, ya hear?
HEH HE, I rememba one time dat happend to me and the guy had enough time to get up and run off while I went to go grab the pipe that went flying in the other direction. Bastard. I got ’em though, I got ’em. So, you gotta hold it with both hands…FIRM so you don’t ever lose your grip when striking the scumbag you’re gonna hit. Alright?
Now pay attention, the best grip is at da bottom wit two hands and then you kinda just let it happen from there…like so.
(Vic hits the dummy in the head a few times)
Now, be careful as not to lose control, you ALWAYS wanna remain in control because if ya lose control its gonna affect ya aim. Make believe youra baseball playa and ya gotta fastball pitch comin at ya, you gotta use alla ya concentration to make sure ya don’t swing and miss…same theory applies here. I would say, summon your inner Babe Ruth and for those of you who don’t know the Babe, stop watching my channel this very instant, cause you’re a sin to society.
(Vic hits the dummy again)
(to the plastic dummy) Scumbag.
(back to the video camera)
That’s dat. Thank you for watching today’s lesson on ‘Howta Be A Gangsta’, I am your host, VIC BOOMBATS and please don’t forget to subscribe to my Youtube channel or else I will come and find you and pipe you up….haha…I’m only kidding, but really, subscribe, don’t piss me off.
Until next time, KEEP SWINGING!