Next Best Thing

In this monologue, KEDRA comes home from a job interview gone bad.  She shares with her two roommates what took place.  

KEDRA: Nerves. My nerves are completely shot, let me just tell you…I go all the way uptown Manhattan today, up on eighty-sixth street and this degenerate—well, first it was for a job interview, okay? And this degenerate manager type guy, you know the type that’s all polished in a shiny suit and greasy slicked back hair and he’s just eyeing me the second I enter the room.

I could already tell what being his assistant was going to be like and so it put me straight in a mood but I had this hope that maybe, just maybe I was wrong and this guy just looked like a douchebag but underneath he was sweet and gentle but as always, I was right and before two minutes are up he’s already making sexual gestures by licking his disgusting lips and giving me sly smirks and all I could think about was spitting in his face and kicking his ass.

As he’s asking me these questions about the job, I’m busy imagining him with a fat lip, bloody nose and raccoon eyes. (she sighs)

Anyway, I didn’t get the job when he invited me out for lunch and I said NO and now I have to call my brother again and ask him for two hundred dollars so I can cover my rent this month cause I’m short as usual!  (sighs)  On to the next best thing!

Joseph Arnone

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