Ready, Aim, AIM!

In this monologue, Rose talks to her boyfriend about being more considerate when he urinates “partially” into the toilet bowl.

ROSE: Can I just ask you something? No really…can I? Now, I’m not trying to argue with you okay? I’m not trying to fight but…when you go to take a leak in the toilet bowl, do you miss on purpose??

(beat)

Cause everytime I go into the bathroom lately, I find piss all over the floor in drips and drabs. I’m constantly cleaning up your little pee pee puddles. So, you can imagine WHY I am asking you this question cause if you were cleaning MY pee pee puddles, you probably would fly off the handle, mad at me.

(beat)

Well, do me a favor, AIM better. It’s not that hard. I don’t have a penis but how difficult can it be to aim him at the toilet. What? Sometimes it shoots out in different directions? Well if you know this than why do you leave it up to me to clean it up? Why are you so lazy? I cannot believe you will accept leaving piss on our bathroom floor.

Even a tiny drip is incomprehensible, let alone two inch circular puddles. And in case you haven’t realized this, urine tends to smell, especially after it dries because it lingers.

Joseph Arnone

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