In this monologue, Jack is in line waiting way too long for the customer ahead of him to finish paying for her item.
JACK: (to himself) Wow. You gotta be kidding me man. (pause.) Hey lady, honestly, excuse, really, you think we can move it along sometime today? I feel like I’m doing penance.
I know but I’ve been listening to you talk about your son Matthew for the past ten minutes and I get that he’s good at the clarinet, okay? Maybe he’ll play for Carnegie Hall one day but right now I’d like to buy my hair gel and get on with living my life. Okay? Just zap your items, ring up the total, pay the cashier and move on.
Oh my, look lady, i’m sorry, I’m trying to be nice and honestly, I really don’t want to be rude but do you notice the other twenty three people standing behind me in line? Peggy over there needs to pick up her child at daycare and Moses over here needs to run back to the car wash for his car and little Tony who should be in school but isn’t, is trying to buy condoms. You’re killing people’s time.
Just please, finish so I don’t have to call the Guinness Book of World Records. Thank you.